Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML
Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML
Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML
Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML
Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML
Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML
Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML
Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Pathetic? Hardly! Those monsters under the bed are only slightly scarier than the ones in the closet. It's a damned good thing you have such good protection.
josebaseball11 14
Well if you haven't been attacked by monsters yet, then they're doing a good a job.
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Comments (271)
DocBastard 40
Pathetic? Hardly! Those monsters under the bed are only slightly scarier than the ones in the closet. It's a damned good thing you have such good protection.
mcm_3 16
The best protection you can get is definatley from the stuffed scooby-doo's
\ 28
I'd do the same.
TwistedCherub1 15
At 27 I had a friend come check under my bed for a clown. People with smiles painted on are the worst kind of monsters. I wish I had your forethought, OP, to have guards.
Zarniclopsindorf 24
You beat me to it Doc. It's the people who never learn how to deal with the monsters that belong on FML. Maybe I should find a teddy bear......
UsernameTaken14 18
#1 couldn't have said it better. I'm 15 and I have to sleep with two mounds of pillows next to me and a blanket over it so the monsters can't even see me in the first place.
ImAFaker 29
I use condoms for protection. I mean in bed. Against the monsters. Ok that came out wrong. I'm going to stop now.
TwistedCherub1 15
I don't worry so much now. Partially because of my husband, but mostly because the cute little thing in my picture is now a 25lb, 4 month old beast who lives under our bed and eats anything.
MistySky 17
Aren't you a faker? You wouldn't need protection... :p
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Maybe the monsters in 59's room are like those little parasites that crawl in your urethra when you're swimming. That's a ******* monster, I'd use condoms as protection too! That's just downright terrifying to think about.
LindsayxMoore 18
I sleep in a bed full of large pillows around me when my husband isnt with me. the dark still terrifies me. im pretty good though when ive got someone with me.
caitlinrawrr 9
I'm 21 and I still don't let my arms or legs dangle over the side of the bed.
etishuman22 32
#118 I make sure not to let my hand slip behind my pillows between the headboard and the mattress so "dead people" don't grab my hands and pull me down. Oh and I'm 23 freaking years old. Sometimes when my family goes on vacation without me I sleep with the light on at night.
beelee1988 13
I have Cozy-Heart Penguin, a stuffed cow, and a little purple dragon keeping me safe every night.
Greenmarsh 31
i agree
raytyler26 16
This is the most retarded conversation I've ever seen.
acrasia 5
I think it's cute you do that.
tinyrosie 21
I sleep with a giant stuffed nemo. No butt with be touching me anytime soon!
tinyrosie 21
Will*
Bcfrmkc816 17
Now that's some good protection there
Lonus 9
Neither do I, not since Paranormal Activity.
JMichael 26
I sleep with my T-Rex pillow pet. He helps keep me safe from the Boogeyman.
Medication 10
I sleep under my bed so the monsters can't get there first.
Soluxis 17
Monsters in the closet? You homophobe!
Topasofmagic 17
Topasofmagic 17
Sorry, something wrong with the iPad... In second thought, the comment probably wasn't in any relevance for the FML community. Sorry to be a bother! :/
icryevrytime 7
I feel safe if my cat is sleeping on the bed with me. I feel like cats can sense things that humans can't.
stitesy29 18
HOW DID YOU FIND OUT I WAS IN THE CLOSET!!!
Kukironosuke 16
I really like where this thread's OP and the chat are going, especially the person who says scooby doos are the best protection, I sleep in bed with a few pokemon and some other pillow pals(including an odie from garfield, and scooby doo too) and although I don't arrange them in any certain order, I trust them to destroy any bad things that may or may not be trying to creep into my bed, I haven't had a nightmare, bad dream, or even restless night in over 10 years (I'm almost 23 now) and I attribute it to my strong connection with my childhood, a healthy dose of happiness, and surrounding myself with things that are meant to make you feel better, rather than chasing things that are intended to scare/anger/depress, so many sad people out there today... maybe all they really need is a teddy to protect them at night
Kukironosuke 16
I forgot to mention I have a teddy bear thats older than I am... as far as I know hes 1-2 weeks older than I am(bought as a pre-born gift) and he has always been there to protect me
Jeffy91 28
Don't forget to put one in the floor to watch under the bed too. Gotta think blind spots. haha
ergone56 15
I'm 21 and I'm still scared of the dark. I have other "pathetic" phobias that lots of people laugh at but hey its who I am. don't be ashamed of it.
BLT10009 4
i have two buildabears: putin and medvedev. and my devoted husband to keep my safe from thw darkness. plus my mattress is on the floor. so now under the bed for me! #winning
josebaseball11 14
Well if you haven't been attacked by monsters yet, then they're doing a good a job.
Pleonasm 36
Undeniable logic, OP.
Farmillionaire 8
If it isn't broke dont fix it.
vb68_fml 28
Very cute indeed! At least you are connected with your inner child :)
iamananglophile 18
Aw, I think that's cute.
BlackPanther19 11
What if every night the saved you from monsters without you ever knowing
error404n0tf0und 21
Mind blown
Medication 10
Give this man a movie contract!
mnwlf13 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
time to grow up
DocBastard 40
NO! It's time for YOU to grow up! *sticks tongue out*
error404n0tf0und 21
I'm with doc on this one
graceinsheepwear 34
Doc, you forgot to say "nah, nah."
austic1 8
Time for you to stop being an asshole
gc327072 31
Well maybe you should grow DOWN, you no-good fun-ender. *stomps around*
imlifeless2 25
you ever play "Beyond Two Souls"? I surrounded myself with stuffed animals after the the scene First Night.
error404n0tf0und 21
personaly I find this kinda cute
brizzyd 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I used to do that, then I turned 7
error404n0tf0und 21
why stop? monsters arn't picky about age you know!
Zebediabolical 45
I used to do that, then I had sex. The noise scares them away too!
ImmaEatYouXx 10
At 7 I still tried to stay awake for Santa, let alone give up my teddies!
CaptainHotSauce 0
I used to be scared of Zombies until i was 14 or so. Nowdays I go to sleep like a boss.
jessBeAqueen 13
how pathetic!!! ...everyone knows you should be using army figures! duuuh!!!
SmittyKick 18
Nooooooo!!! Army figures are for clowns!! stupid head.
Michael903 18
Shame you got beat up like that. I get the humor! But, pound for pound, stuffed animals are much superior to action figures and army men.
iajm02 13
Never can be too safe.
cactusdesu 15
No shame! I sleep with my stuffies too. I have to make sure all of their heads are above the blanket that way they don't suffocate during the night.
CelticReverie 5
Haha I know what you mean. I always feel horrible waking up the next morning and discovering that I kicked a few off the bed D':
PenguinBitch 44
Maybe you didn't kick them, they just couldn't make it on time when the sun rises and they lose life.
Pussycat86 18
I'm 27 and I can't leave for any business or pleasure purposes without packing my stuffies, it feels horrible though I have to pack them in luggage, 1st thing I do when I get to my destination is let them out! I don't mind the creepy looks I usually get from housekeeping at hotels I stay in, my stuffies have been through everything and I never want to let go of them!