Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
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Top comments
flufee2 27
Just start masturbating beside her next time
colvindj 22
She's a independent woman who don't need no man to get her freak on.
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Comments (145)
culito_fml 10
Get a new girlfriend bro
AloysiusWeasley 15
What a biatch. Time for a period of your own solo handling, followed by a new partner! :)
KenB99 15
i believe your girlfriend is what most people call a feminist
stirbnichtvormir 14
Don't take it personal OP. She was probably just embarrassed and that's how she reacted.
buttcramp 21
this really needs a follow up lol I'm trying to imagine her reasons for this and I got nothin'..
Drian91800 7
Don't ask, just do. But I guess you won't get a re-try after that.
unlocked_ 9
She's embarrassed lmao
Cric7436 5
wow, what a bitch!
bbsdk2 15
Maybe she wasn't actually masturbating, just had an itch or something and it looked like she was masturbating. That would explain why she reacted that way. Then again I could be wrong. She may just have been embarrassed and overreacted
BoltTheSuperdog 22
I wonder what she'd do if you tried to have sex with her?