Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
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Top comments
flufee2 27
Just start masturbating beside her next time
colvindj 22
She's a independent woman who don't need no man to get her freak on.
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Comments (145)
FMLcommenterer 13
She needs the body, not the hand!
lonelystrangers 7
well that sounds like an awkward relationship
worldclassrager 41
What did she expect you to say? Better luck next time OP..,
madriver10 4
that's...different
RabbitOfAurora 28
I thought it was very sweet gesture OP. And good on you for asking consent and not just helping yourself.
awilliams44 9
but she's your girlfriend.
Luigi2012SM64DS 6
The ****?
PeachiePrincess 16
Maybe she was just embarrassed about it. There might have been a reason she was doing it when you were asleep. Just try your best to comfort her, and tell her it's nothing to be ashamed about :)
Brightbulb 40
Wow, how is it okay for girls to offer help to a guy, yet the guy is a pervert for offering to her. This is why I can't stand double standards, the men get the shaft, and the women the juicy fruit.
quackImapenguin 16
Um, no. We've only established that one girl has the opinion that a guy offering to help out is perverted. You don't even know whether or not she thinks that her offering to help out him out would be perverted, so she isn't necessarily even being hypocritical. Since it isn't a common view, it isn't a double standard.
HowsBoutaRoadie 8
dump that prude...while telling her her fat ass hatchet wound smells like an old fish that sat out in the sun for a week.
honeymoonroyale 20
Someone sounds lonely.