Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
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Top comments
flufee2 27
Just start masturbating beside her next time
colvindj 22
She's a independent woman who don't need no man to get her freak on.
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Comments (145)
ZombieGirl95 13
someone's a jerk
YaSlickWilly 8
And this is why women will never be understood.
JackJones666 2
Let her wake up to you doing it. Then cum in the bitches eye
ethancano 11
Needed a "hand"? Badum-tssss!! No one? Nevermind.
Pixiecrack 11
Just do like my boyfriend does for me, roll over, kiss her and start massaging her arms and tummy, gently work your way down and get to it
idecim8 5
Next time just jump in. Also, if you two are really comfortable, which it looks like you're not... Try to learn how she likes it done.
xblackoutblondie 5
This is to funny. Looks like doesn't get good enough dick.
midnafan1 3
pfffft..... Women..... amiright?
AFaye3964 17
headlock911 17
That was punny