Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
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Top comments
asoep 4
run, run far away
Trivision 10
Oh no, not another Paranormal Activity! This will be like, what? 27?
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Comments (190)
ViviMage 40
Put your son in therapy, and fast!
milo22 3
Uh, do you watch Dexter.....maybe this is how it starts.....just sayin'
thrAsHeRr9081 16
This is nothing like Dexter?
sjbartholome 14
"Steve" is probably a demon. Run! and call a priest.
Anyb0dyTh 8
-I would talk to my child about how it is absolutely wrong to kill- -I would also be ready to disincline him strongly based on his level of culpability. -in the back of my mind, yes I would accept it as demonic activity- (would god ever encourage a child to murder someone?) -would then wait to see what happens next. -Cause for alarm? Yes. -Is it a big deal? Not really. You just deal with demonic activity all the time with children. When they act out of line you reprimand them if they are culpable. If they do wrong things without culpability then you teach them the difference between right and wrong. -Getting kids back in line isn't really all that hard. They want to be good by default at that age. You listen to your heart/conscience as you go and genuinely do you best. I've dealt with demons, literally. Just deal with them one by one. After you defeat all your own internal problems, it gets easier to deal with everyone else's baggage/personal demons/skeletons in the closet, or whatever other vernacular people choose to call them.
snugglesMcGee199 23
Isn't that how Carrie became super crazy?
biologymajor1992 7
SHIT!!
BubbleGrunge 18
Time to call in the Winchesters!!
thapora 8
You need to call the winchesters to exercise that angry spirit lol
omgitslian 6
You wouldn't want your angry spirit to become obese now, would you?
blackwidowtaco 31
Sounds like you've got a little Chucky serial killer child on your hands.
usernameunkn0wn 18
Chucky was actually an adult man trapped in a doll's body.
SexPot143 13
Put your son in therapy ASAP and have someone come bless your house. Steve may not be so "imaginary" after all.
Slawter16 24
What if OP isn't religious? What is "blessing" the house going to do then?
150493x 29
That's quite frightening, OP. Maybe try talk to your son to see if you can find out more about Steve?
singer0421 32
Are you sure he isn't schizophrenic?