Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
Today, I was walking to the optometrist when I saw my creepy stalker following me. The entire shopping centre then sounded the alarm, so the rail was half down. Desperate to get away from my stalker, I turned around and walked out the store and hit my head on the rail in front of the employee. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML
Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML
Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I suggest therapy. You might do something you'll regret if you don't get help.
Weiss729 6
I don't say this to be mean but maybe you should get help? Life might turn around and be a whole lot better if you do
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Comments (91)
Welshite 40
I suggest therapy. You might do something you'll regret if you don't get help.
ManInTheMachine 20
Yeah, I can't even say something witty about this. You should actually get serious help.
Welshite 40
I wonder how he "physically restrained" himself. "Girl, hold my earrings!" *grabs his ears*
fwongraven 10
Agreed, best of luck to you.
jw90 18
Chained himself to a light post.
greeneyebeauty9 28
I agree. getting help is your best option. you may have to pay serious consequences in the near future if you don't.
alycion 39
Most conditions that cause paranoia are chronic. Even with proper treatment, which op could be getting, flare ups do happen. I'm lucky in that I recognize that its a mania in myself. Being in a 7 month long mania, my paranoia has hit some pretty weird moments myself. I have often found meditation to be a good way to calm down and get things into perspective so I can remind myself that it's the chemicals causing the issue and those are not really my thoughts or feelings. Gl op. If you are already on meds, it may be time to talk to your doc about a temp adjustment or a temp add on med until the flare up passes. I hope you feel better.
blackonblight 33
For everyone saying "get therapy" I'm glad you understand the value of it, but it isn't always accessible or affordable. That's one of the problems with mental health issues, actually getting to see someone isn't always just about walking in the door. Getting an appointment with a doctor for a diagnosis can take a long time, and then you have to worry about insurance. I've only been able to see a psychiatrist if I am also seeing a psychologist regularly, so that's two doctors, one for medication and one for the discussion and non medication ways to work with issues. That doesn't come cheap, either. There are many barriers to getting proper mental health care, especially in the USA.
Weiss729 6
I don't say this to be mean but maybe you should get help? Life might turn around and be a whole lot better if you do
PenultimateTaco 14
It can be pretty hard to raise the courage to talk to someone... I don't reckon FML should be the first place they turn though
Weiss729 6
I agree, assuming that this was a true FML and not one some person created but we have to give the OP the benefit of the doubt and assume it was genuine
kristabelli 19
Great job holding yourself back though, OP. Awareness is a HUGE step forwards.
Bloink 25
What were you paranoid about that he was going to do?
arsenicalhumor 30
My wild guesses would be: 1. Fear of being jumped. 2. Fear of garbage being thrown at OP. 3. Fear of that bastard taking his shadow. 4. Fear of being followed to his home.
WellThatSucked89 13
Peter pan!!! Yes... :)
bizarre_ftw 22
Not that I don't love the joke above (peter pan ^_^) but you (being 3) don't really understand how paranoia works when it's a medical symptom do you?
YoureABuzzkill 9
I think a therapist or psychiatrist might do you some good.
zandalee 20
Or a long holiday somewhere really peaceful to get your head together.
utrax 23
Sorry OP, but you should consider getting some help.
junkman6 22
If therapy is too much for you Maybe consider getting a pet. I've seen pets help with paranoia, PTSD, and anger management.
perdix 31
#7, great idea! The OP should walk around with a pitbull, just not the kind that thinks "if you know what I mean" rhymes with "if you know what I mean." 305, Dale!
esines 9
Haha I thought Perdix's comment was funny. You people have no sense of humor
Silvinomiae 20
It doesn't rime? Now my Danish grades start making sense.
crzyknt 9
Get off the dope
steffidallasbfl 16
Wow that was rude
arsenicalhumor 30
#9 Get off the 'roids. Don't like assumptions thrown at you? GOOD.
MixMastaKDizzle 12
I think he was just making a joke ladies...let's all just calm down.
bizarre_ftw 22
I'm 96% with you guys but 5% of me admits it's not a new joke to associate paranoia with pot, it's still incredibly insensitive however
crzyknt 9
Careful now #34, you might get too upset and cut yourself
crzyknt 9
Careful now #34; the joke might be too much, you might get too upset and end up cutting yourself..
skuester 4
Burn
raininginseattle 9
Dang. You didn't confront the government spy cleverly disguised as a kid when you had the chance? I hope you at least went home an put a blacker over your tv so that they can't watch you or keep your phone in a lead shielded box so they can't track you
grghillis96 15
and of course put the tin foil hat on so that the satellites can't read his mind.
justjeffo7 14
You better tinfoil the whole house in case, too.
Silvinomiae 20
If you follow the suggestion of #7, remember foil hats for the pets. Turtles might be easier to deal with in regard to this than e.g. fish. Just a hint.
olpally 33
Let the hate flow through you op! Haha, jk, get help!
bizarre_ftw 22
I repeat this entire comment back to you and I find it fits quite nicely
cheshirecat13242 32
They're all out to get you, OP...