Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML
Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
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Top comments
Lepisma 38
There is only one solution. Burn the house down. Who needs candles on a cake when you can have a raging inferno of fiery spider death?
tounces7 28
Surprise! I see everyone got to the party on time! Did they at least Gift-wrap some still-living flies for you?
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Comments (42)
Etweens96 25
Mint essential oil with some alcohol to make it last longer. Otherwise happy birthday
butterflydragons 5
*grabs matches* adios home
VeryCreativeName 3
Just stay calm, everything's going to be fine. (We have to kill him before the spiders multiply inside of him.) Everything is perfectly fine. (Take the shot, then burn his body. Take the shot, TAKE THE-- WHY AREN'T YOU TAKING THE SHOT?!)
RosaMaravillosa 10
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeek!
Zetom_fml 8
let's go build a moonbase, I heard there's less spiders there.
shavednipples 22
I just cringed so hard
jebron 13
why would you want ice cream for breakfast anyway?
melissawarren 7
I set fire to a spider hanging from the ceiling, and I sent a picture of it and it's charred legs to my dad. He said he was not impressed and that if that gives me joy then he has grave concerns...
bornpatriot 11
Are you posting from Australia? (I can't see your location, honestly)
Marmelade_fml 7
It must be their birthday too