Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Hmmmm, breakfast
Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML
Top o' the mornin' to ya
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML
Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML
The passenger
Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML
Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML
Act of kindness
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Top comments
Nutz101 7
I have to stop eating while reading FML's
jojimugo 20
If you swallow 8 a night, you should do yourself a favor and move out of the amazon river
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
thepunman 11
Fact: you swallow eight spiders a year in your sleep. But it seems like you chomped yours.
onorexveritas 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
its approximately 8 per night
SAgirl 23
No that is not a fact, its a superstition.
CharresBarkrey 16
7 - Uh, no, it's per year. 8 spiders a night is ******* ridiculous. Also, that's a myth.
onorexveritas 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I never said I believed that shit
jkmartinjk 16
Myth busters busted that a loooong time ago.
jojimugo 20
If you swallow 8 a night, you should do yourself a favor and move out of the amazon river
seandoc 13
No #7, 8 spiders is ******* disgusting and inhumane.
onorexveritas 24
however, as op has proven, its not impossible
seandoc 13
OP hasn't proved your point in any way...
onorexveritas 24
its just what I heard and apparently what I heard was wrong and I am not so proud to not admit it. no need to get in a pissing contest
seandoc 13
A pissing contest? ... Well, that escalated quickly.
CharresBarkrey 16
28 - Apparently you are too proud to admit YOU were wrong, and instead blame it on something someone else told you that was wrong.
onorexveritas 24
proving me wrong, whatever you want to call it.
onorexveritas 24
alright then, when you put it that way, yeah, I was wrong.
CharresBarkrey 16
If the myth was 8 spiders a night, I would never sleep again. Just sayin'
PenguinBitch 44
36 shut up. You are wrong. It's 8 per life time. Not that believe in it....
jdyo3 5
Actually, since spiders love dark, warm, moist places 8 is far too few an estimate. However, according to the urban legend its 8 per year
UnderJonathan 8
You actually swallow more, "alltime10s" on YouTube tackles this very same question.
bombshellbabee01 9
Sometimes spiders end up in the packed food we buy because there's nothing the factories can do to keep them out
NatalySNA 21
It's actually, you eat 8 spiders in your life time!
YacL 15
Okay we get it. 8 Spiders/lifetime. Let's move on now.
HanaFML 10
Unless you're a frog I don't think you can swallow 8 spiders in a year.
SweetLuna 10
Right. It was funny though, reading it. But it is 8+ spiders a year, I woke up one morning with the legs in my mouth, they climb in when you sleep with your mouth open at night and before they can leave you close your mouth. It would suck if it was a really poisonous spider or just the thought of if they would lay eggs in you mouth or throat. Maybe smaller spiders go in your ears and nose, laying eggs in your head... That would suck.
jennnfdsjk 19
thank you 84. I didn't want to sleep ever again anyway
speckledots 29
I used to work in a plastic shop. spiders love to make places like that their home. there are thousands. they like to nest in the material bins the presses use that make our products so a lot of times spiders are actually sucked in and made into the plastic thing your buying. though the plastic is seriously hot and the spider is vaporized it really makes you think doesn't it?
speckledots 29
Also I once had a friend when she was little that had to have beetle eggs removed from her ear canal. so it does happen. For warning. It's not just spiders.
XxDevilxXGt 26
A spider a day keeps the doctor away, right? I thought the recommended quantity was 2 with every meal. Have I been doing it all wrong? Wait am I not supposed to be living in the rainforest? Hold on, how do I have internet access from here?
sens3sfailing 25
Today I had to get my ear syringed due to earwax somehow clogging my ear canal and the doctor said he has gotten 3 live beetles out of people's ears. Glad only compounded wax came out of my ear
CharresBarkrey 16
103 - I kid you not, bugs in my ear is one of my biggest fears. I totally thought you were about to say "and he ended up pulling a beetle out of my ear."
happle 21
**** all of you, I have enough sleeping problems as it is. D:
dead247 13
one day I woke up to something bothering my ear. It was a spider. fml.
kemando 22
More like a statistical probability. Based on spiders in beds and open mouths per night, or something
tararochelle 18
How many spiders do you have crawling around your house? 8 per night would be an issue. That's gross.
NeonPopRocks 14
This whole conversation makes me want to puke, and never sleep again.
ittsdann 6
That's unfortunate
iBanana 17
Why is it unfortunate? Unfortunate would be stepping outside of my house, a tornado touching down 17 inches away from my foot, and in the midst of it all a cat flew into my face and scratched it up. That, is unfortunate. Spider appendages in ones metal armor for teeth is just ghastly.
howdeedoo 22
Really? Because I thought spiders taste good...
lilmisslovely13 15
37- are you implying that finding a spider in your braces is worse than a tornado/cat attack?
YacL 15
58 - No, when he says unfortunate he means "bad luck", when he says ghastly he means "disgusting".
SAgirl 23
Poor spider?
thejewishfuhrer 17
**** the spider, poor OP. Not that I have anything against spiders, I'm fine with them outside. But once they're in my house or my clothes (or in OP's case, braces) then shit has just gotten personal.
GoingCommando93 14
Thread jacking, sorry. But I need to put this to rest. There is absolutely no way people could know if you swallow any bugs in your sleep. The only possible way would be to take a large group of people and put them in identical homes and watch them their ENTIRE LIVES to see how many spiders they swallow before they die. I'm almost 20, I first heard this myth when I was 6, lets drop it already.
Nutz101 7
I have to stop eating while reading FML's
kaymi 17
Yeah, sit on the toilet like every other person on here. Lol
thebeautybleeds 17
You new? Because if not, I'm surprised you didn't realize it sooner.
MrsPegg 45
24, let us remind the readers of the roaches under the toilet seat... FML should come with a safety warning! lol
01sparkly 15
Yes! Because you either laugh so hard you choke or you get so grossed out you puke
COOL__Coal 12
On average that has happened to you seven times earlier this year.
Harpy20 24
Can you sling a web?
n3rd43v3r 10
That's really um.. Disgusting. I'm not going to lie, I pictured a giant spider on you face with its tiny hat stuck in your braces
thepunman 11
Good day sir mouth. I'm going to climb into you and trigger your uvula. Tallyho!
n3rd43v3r 10
18- that's an entirely different picture
brand2017 9
18 im crying im laughing so hard xD lmfao
LiterOfCola 16
Spiders should take note of you; their webs don't even compare to your braces
safaeita 32
well on the bright side you could have gotten sick because of it and never know what happened to you :s well if there is a bright side at all .
sens3sfailing 25
*Voice of CL4P-TP* OP! What have you done? that spider had a life and a family! And you killed it! Just kidding! Screw that spider!
MR_RODSQUAD 11
FATALITY!!