Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
acerredrum 23
Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.
DrownedMyFish 18
Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
GodKing709 2
say no you didnt want the bird in the first place
chosha_fml 27
If you contribute a cent, YDI.
sunshineb81 16
Birds can bite to the bone with no warning. Trust me, I know. They are also very messy and loud. Roommate should have discussed this with you first and then to ask you to pay too? No way!!!!
DanielleinDC 34
I hope you flat out refuse to pay a dime of expenses towards that bird. Your roommate did not consult with you, did not even get your permission, and has a bird who will be disturbing your sleep because s/he's alone in a cage, probably with no companion. That's no way to treat a bird! I see that you are trying to move out; that's probably the best solution. Lots of luck to the idiot you live with finding another roommate.
kingdomgirl94 29
To be fair, most parrots in captivity don't have cagemates, they bond with their owners. Night time isn't actually a problem if you know what you're doing. If you cover their cage at night with a thick blanket, they go to sleep. As long as its dark they think its night time, so they sleep. They make a lot more noise during the day!
phatdaddy62 23
Finally, someone knows something about parrots.
simsgirlgem 25
Tell him to piss off as he didn't talk to you about getting a bird and you didn't agree to it ergo taking care of the bird is his job
Perry85 42
Oh hell no, that shit wouldn't fly (no pun intended) with me. YOU want the bird, YOU got the bird, YOU pay for the bird YOURSELF. And that's pretty shitty that he did it without asking you if it's ok...
sjbartholome 14
I always found it funny when people arbitrarily expect others to pay for their stuff.
Badkarma4u 17
Make sure he leaves before you then every morning put on the same 2 hour **** video at full blast. It will be over by the time he gets home, and ovrer time he will have no idea where his parrot learned such a colorful vocabulary.
skyeyez9 25
Teach it to say derogatory things about your roommate. Give it treats and pamper it when roommate isnt around, so it will like you more and piss roommate off. But do NOT pay for half the bird.
Death69 24
I would tell him/her to go **** themselves. I ain't paying half of anything for your damn pet! But that's just me. Good luck to you OP.