Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
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Top comments
acerredrum 23
Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.
DrownedMyFish 18
Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.
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Comments (110)
Llama_Face89 34
I agree with 93. Don't kill the innocent bird. Your roommate on the other hand....isn't so innocent.
xxVampiresRulexx 14
Uh, how about no....
MidnightMusic53 37
If this isn't this first utterly stupid and inconsiderate thing he/she has done, and you can't kick them out or move out without breaking the lease, I would talk to your landlord. Don't punish yourself by staying with that moron any longer.
chickenman12312 12
Just refuse to pay for it. You probably have enough things to pay for and don't need a parrot taking your money away.
rec_chem 22
Snap it's little neck. Problem solved.
permaband_usr 14
Buy some KFC, hide the bucket, then hide the bird with a neighbor and simply snack on a drumstick with a <smile> when your room mate comes home.
kieralumina 30
fill the trash with a few handfuls of fake feathers, and when your roommate walks in ask if they want some of the meat as you hold the plate with 3 pieces of chicken towards them.
stepymac 15
Bull , that's his bird he needs to take care of
poopface82 25
Just teach the parrot to insult your roommate. Problem solved.