Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
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Top comments
acerredrum 23
Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.
DrownedMyFish 18
Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.
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Comments (110)
okami36 2
When they're gone, sell the bird. Give them half the money.
kiaora_fml 11
If there wasn't an agreement then you shouldn't pay, maybe you can take it to someone that is a more responsible pet owner if the room-mate wont agree to get rid of it or find a solution to making it quiet. I had a very noisy cockatiel, I found I could calm it down a notch by threatening to put a cloth over the cage and show it to the bird as I placed it, it soon learnt not to be so noisy, also your room mate should put a sheet over the cage at night to make sleep easier. Either way OP your room mate is incredibly rude and I would say so and start searching for a new room mate
fader48080 10
Another method is to shake the cage violently when ever it makes a sound louder than a bird poop hitting news paper
tehdarkness 21
Roommates shouldn't go halfers on anything except pizza. And even that's dicey.
fader48080 10
*cough* rent and utilities *cough* just saying but yeah I agree with you in principle.
blackonblight 33
I hear they've updated tamagotchi to be wifi compatible. Chia pets smell terrible, but something that has a reset button an fits in your pocket...
Tannasgh 22
Ask him if you can have your half extra crispy :)
Chibi_Kitten 24
Perfect opportunity to set an alarm you can't hit the snooze button on. Worst comes to worst, know your room mate's schedule and train that parrot to annoy him/her.
Harrison38 5
quick solution. buy a pellet gun, shoot bird. say it flew away
Raidriar 14
Why do you believe the solution is to murder the bird? It did nothing wrong, it was captured and forced to live with humans. It does what it naturally does and screeches, much like how humans talk. You have no reason to kill an innocent being except because you want to. The bird is a living thing and it's cruel to kill it just because your hypothetical roommate was an asshole.
Kittencake4 9
Tell him/her no
phatdaddy62 23
93 - I agree except for one small point. Wild caught birds are illegal in the US. It was hatched at a breeders.