Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
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Top comments
acerredrum 23
Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.
DrownedMyFish 18
Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.
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Comments (110)
boostedc 24
Don't let yourself do that mate ;)
elcee1987 18
Volunteer to do your part by cleaning its cage. Place droppings in her bed. :)
CrissyyyS2 22
You should let your roommate know that you also expect him to pay for your expenses. It's only fair.
nokturn_fml 11
Parrots are pretty cool though !
phatdaddy62 23
My parrot is my little buddy!
Floortje 17
It's her bird, it's like any other furniture. "If you wanna decorate, go ahead, but I ain't paying shit" ;)
ZombieSazza 34
Tell him no, no you won't pay half the expenses for the bird he bought, he never consulted you and you didn't want a pet, considering it's HIS pet HE should pay 100% for it.
fader48080 10
expenses for an animal I did not agree to and do not want in this case a bird are as follows. 1 bulb of garlic 1 yellow onion 1 small bag baby carrots 1 bunch of celery thyme rosemary salt pepper butter stuff the bird with the vegtables coat with butter and seasoning bake a 350 until reaching a temp of 165 or the juice runs clear whichever comes second. or recommend partly mashed potatoes for the side.
GirlGamer12345 22
Just don't pay... Tell him he needs to ask you first and if he can't afford the bird find a way to sell it or return it.
worldclassrager 41
Well if he puts down half for your bird then you should be fine...but so it seems I doesn't work that way...I hope you two can make an agreement...
hulopro 16
Become a pirate then it's a win-win situation.