Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I thought I'd make my own coffee at home to save money. As I was grinding the beans, my flatmate's pet parrot decided to join the party and imitate the noise of the coffee grinder. For an hour. I ended up with a headache, a half-finished cup of coffee, and a parrot that now thinks it's a barista. FML
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
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Top comments
acerredrum 23
Tell him okay but when you move out you expect half the bird.
DrownedMyFish 18
Hopefully you toucan settle this situation without it getting anymore hawkward than it already is.
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Comments (110)
Yeshua_fml 19
Kill it and keep the bird.
Infamous_Tora 12
I am curious, did you read your comment before you validated it?
iLike2Teabag 27
Maybe he means "it" as in the roommate.
junkman6 22
#32 did you read 12s comment before you validated? It's a pretty blatant smart ass remark about the roommate.
DrownedMyFish 18
Hopefully you toucan settle this situation.
PenguinBitch 44
You said that already.
Capitan 15
Sell half the ownership to someone else, therefore it stays at their place half the time. Win win right?
underthesea12 24
shake n bake!
Raging_hamster 5
You could always teach it to say horrible things to your roommate...
ziya1999 12
Ahahahaha XD Thats one helluva room mate!
DippinGrizzly907 27
Hey, dirty deeds done dirt cheap!! Just look at my pic OP!
alicat13 12
Chirp your room mate! Tell them no!
fooltemptress 36
Teach it to curse and say insulting things about your roommate when they have friends over.
Blastoid 13
Don't you know about the bird? Everybody knows that the bird is a word Baby, bird, bird, bird Bird is the word Well, everybody's heard about the bird..