Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
That's when you push him off the toilet and scream"Gandalf!" Trust me, he won't be mad or anything.
kimblie 15
at least he's an amusing drunk?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
abcdog123 16
not sure why your dad is drunk in the morning! (that or you wake up at weird times). either way, fyl.
vegas_jose 18
You don't shave on no shave November
Pat77235 8
Was he talking to you or his stool?
aral_fml 3
Don't shave. -no shave November!
Chris93Jones 20
not during Movember, man.
squidgy787 22
Perhaps he was trying to use reverse psychology on a pesky kidney stone.
trickmick12 11
YDI for trying to shave during no shave november
fmlrulesBolt 14
Hahaha awesome!
nooneherer 5
*applause
PIGaming 21
This is why I opted for a house with two bathrooms ;)