Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
That's when you push him off the toilet and scream"Gandalf!" Trust me, he won't be mad or anything.
kimblie 15
at least he's an amusing drunk?
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Comments (112)
Thunderstruck14 30
I guess you'll be forced to participate in No Shave November this year.
grtfuldeadlovr 27
You just woke up to shave?? Part of this doesn't make sense.
juarezj96 12
That's the perfect time to ask for something ;) it'll be a yes
8born8 18
If he's not "David Hasselhoff lying on the floor trying to eat greasy fast food while slurring incoherent ramblings" drunk, then I'd say he's just had a good time.
buckdharma 38
Ah, Dad in the bathroom of a one bathroom house. This must be a first.
Mahtari 19
YDI for wanting to shave during November, OP.
ladystate 22
That's okay. Beards are in anyway.
incoherentrmblr 22
"Heavy? There's that word again. Is there something wrong with the Earth's gravitational pull?
8born8 18
"shark still looks fake."
girlinthefire 12
I want your dad.
jrock9093 18
At least he is funny drunk my dad beat me and broke bones