Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.
Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML
Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML
Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML
Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
I hope you sleep well in your blanket of lies. Lies I say.
Mauskau 36
You didn't even need to say you had a break up, people replace blankets and duvets all the time.
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Comments (29)
Wizardo 34
I hope you sleep well in your blanket of lies. Lies I say.
Mauskau 36
You didn't even need to say you had a break up, people replace blankets and duvets all the time.
yerawizardlizzy 27
Exactly. Making up something was dumb.
sturschaedel 27
Well, OP said he was cute. So they wanted to make sure cute guy knew they were available.
arrowgold 19
First world problems.
Redhairchick 10
Exactly, must be nice to be able to afford to spend $50+ simply because you're too lazy to use perfectly good blankets and comforter that are somewhere just a little bit inconvenient.
Tripartita 45
Here, maybe this these third world problems will be more your speed: "Today, I spent 16 hours working the fields for the food I eat while still unable to get regular access to clean water, education, or medical aid. If I'm lucky, I'll be groomed to fight in the same theocratic army that has terrorized my family for all six years of my life. FML"
HylianWarrior 21
What is this, a bad Adam Sandler film? Make up a fake relationship rather than saying something much simpler? This always works out so well.
Mangascribbler 19
I wish I was wealthy enough to buy a new bedding rather than unpack and wash it...
chirstinap325 23
I think that faking a break up is much more work than saying you don't feel like pulling it out. Now they have to fake sympathy and you have to awkwardly accept it. What if they had asked what happened? The first lie is never the last, OP. But I'm sure your new blankets are there to Comfort you during your road of redemption.
tmj25789 23
I was thinking the same thing. It would have just sounded better saying " I am just looking for something new".
Tripartita 45
An alternative response that has always worked for me (in my head) is: "Well, my previous decor was torn to pieces in the throes of passion shared with a particularly virile and handsome lover, so I decided to get more… and I'm not just talking about blankets."
ManUtdFan743 21
Much better and Infinitely more appropriate. 12/10. Would recommend.
cuz803 46
Your blanket is filthy from your shameful fibs.
Knittedbirch 8
Y'know, you should still wash bedding after you've bought it. I kinda think this way was more effort. Eh, you do you OP.
fragmen52 18
It was easier to drive to the store, find the blankets, go home and wash them than it would be to get blankets out of the closet and wash them?
dracolich 27
I'm pretty sure OP isn't going to wash them when they come from the store.