Today, my 5-year-old daughter said she, “hates daddy’s kisses because they feel funny.” My extended family freaked out and assumed the worse. My husband has recently grown a beard and my daughter hates how scratchy it feels. He’s not a monster but they still treat us weird now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML
Today, my husband is furious with me for hurting his daughter’s feelings. Neither he nor his ex make her shower and she smells disgusting! It’s nearly impossible to even sit in the same room with her, as her odor changes the smell of the entire space. All I did was suggest a bath and she cried. FML
Today, it's been a while since I tried the "shave-your-beard to see if your baby recognises you afterwards" trick. I wasn’t expecting her to start crying, real heartbreaking tears. The beard's now grown back but she still cries and screams whenever she sees me, and we don’t know what to do. I think traumatised my daughter. FML
Today, I kissed my husband and said, "I love you." That's when our 5 year-old son said to my husband, "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML
Today, my wife is convinced I don't love my daughter. Why? She got her first boyfriend recently, and I was friendly with the lad, instead of doing the stupid "overprotective dad" routine. Apparently, not feeling the need to act like a dumbass sitcom character means I secretly resent my family. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, after months of not wanting anything to do with her dad, my three-year-old was over her phase. During dinner, I play-shoved my husband and he did it back. Our daughter saw him and now keeps saying, "It’s not nice to push mommy." We’re back to square one. FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter sobbed inconsolably on my return home from a several-month long deployment to the Middle East. I was touched by her reaction until she blurted out that she wasn't crying because she missed me, but because my shaved head looked scary ugly. FML
Today, my seven year-old daughter called me a weirdo. When I yelled and grounded her, she cried and said she thought “weirdo” was a compliment. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
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Top comments
kfchicken 31
this says more about your extended family than it does about anyone else in my opinion... it very common for dads to kiss their kids and normal for kids to think scratchy beards feel funny. you can always communicate and clear things up but it's still weird that's the first assumption they jump to when assuming they can SEE his new beard.
DarkAngelsBlade 25
Oh but if any of their kids said someone was doing anything to them they’d probably tell them to get over it or grow up -rolls eyes- they only judge when it’s not them.
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Comments (3)
kfchicken 31
this says more about your extended family than it does about anyone else in my opinion... it very common for dads to kiss their kids and normal for kids to think scratchy beards feel funny. you can always communicate and clear things up but it's still weird that's the first assumption they jump to when assuming they can SEE his new beard.
RichardPencil 32
Of course, no incestuous pedophiles have beards. They're always clean-shaven.
DarkAngelsBlade 25
Oh but if any of their kids said someone was doing anything to them they’d probably tell them to get over it or grow up -rolls eyes- they only judge when it’s not them.