Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a blind date. She seemed really nervous, so I tried negging to loosen her up. She decked me. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, desperate to meet a guy, I went clubbing. The only guy to show any interest opened with, "You're hot, for a black chick!" FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML
Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
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Top comments
alwayscheesin 2
Smooth. Real smooth
greenie213 23
You should leave that stuff to the professionals.
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Comments (232)
ferrousWheel 6
you've forgotten the key to that technique working. 1. You have to be ridiculously, devastatingly attractive. and 2. You have to be in a brainless sitcom, because that's the only place I've ever seen that done successfully. In fact, I bet that's where those "pick-up artists" came from.
LappDance 16
It would probably work in **** too.
Kgirl2cute 6
Every situation works in ****. If you're taking your tips from ****, you'll go into the world expecting sex to eventuate from broken down cars and bad report cards.
fabulosogurlee 7
What is between YOUR legs??? Because it's obviously not balls seeing how you didn't have the guts to just be yourself when you met this girl
Elfroid 10
dumbass. You need rapport first.
FlyingPie 17
How is that supposed to be a trick to help you score with a woman?
jwbfml 11
Quit reading how to pick up women and start talking to them like they're a person. Maybe that way you won't be so much of a douche bag Captain Dumbass.
osm1989_fml 6
Hmmm... A quick search on Urban Dictionary reveals that this is a technique that "no decent guy would do." Maybe your problem is that you're reading up on the "tricks" that "pickup artists" use... Oh, and that you went to a club, not for the purpose of simply enjoying yourself, but rather to make sex... Tell me, what made you think any of that was a good idea or the actions of a non-scumbag?
rattusrattus 19
The self-analytical skills of a piece of cheese, evidently.
DrewFluIngle 10
How does one "make sex"? I thought you had sex ;3; I've been misinformed! X3
Leftoverjello 6
OP is still a scumbag but NO straight male has EVER gone to a club to enjoy themselves. They just go for tail. That's why any straight guy in a club can be presumed to be a scumbag. I hope that circular logic makes sense.
FlyingPie 17
#116: osm1989's native language is probably not English. In several other languages, the verb "to make" means the same thing as "to do" - and in this case, in his language, the verb "to make" probably also makes sense with sex (no pun intended).
sheethapins 13
Two words. Steve Harvey.
DCvRkey2012 7
How does Steve Harvey have anything to do with this fml?
Ins0mau 20
Think you need to be a bit more subtle for that to work. Or just be yourself.
DKjazz 20
Well, at least she touched you there, eh? Mission accomplished.
madamazinDana45 6
What did u expect???? Im surprised she didn't have mace