Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
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Top comments
krsimir 0
Should have used charmen toilet paper, no little white pieces left behind
frozenfreeze 5
They were the least of your problems?...Were there dragons and dead rats down there too?
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Comments (348)
dragonmirado 12
ew.
superguppy19 3
Been there done that got a disgusting staph infection
SILVERSTAR_6 17
Holy shit that's nasty >.< this is why I will never go down on a girl..but clitty litter..IM WEAK LMAO!!
KevinPDX 1
you did not perform a litmus test with two fingers and a sniff beforehand? YDI. Hope you enjoyed your cheeseburger.
blutigenbonbon 10
Wtf? Tell that girl to clean. That's ******* disgusting. What kid of woman would be so filthy.
tika_baby 1
Ya sure cuz u never had it happen to u before. Its not a matter of hygene. -__-
YeaSo3 14
You should dump her she is a nasty biatch!
ndw117 0
NASTY!!! Still w/ her... Wtf??
KRiddle 15
Ew.
ShortieBug96 0
That is nasty. I feel reaaallly bad for you.
mrricecakes 4
And for all you saying 'ew dump that bitch' and all that: no, I'm not gonna dump her just from one botched night. I mean that's just dumb. For those hung up on the 'least of my problems' part, you can refer to my reply on 19's comment! The fml doesn't allow for much explaining, but the biggest problem was having to explain to her why I wouldn't do it.. That it all for now!!