Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML
Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tangerine_12 0
ewww thats sicckkk. but i woulda laaughed too ahaha.
xkat356 0
hahahaa, you should have just stuck the thermometer in your armpit, not your mouth, but FYL.
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Comments (79)
ashblueeyez14 0
i bet he didn't want to kiss you after that
ti3n_t 0
You dirty little bitch (assuming the dog is female)
roadie42 21
For your sake, I hope he cleans it between uses.
Swampeh 0
well, it is the mouth he kisses, so i dunno why its so funny for him :P
elowyn4life 0
..... haven't u heard of under the arm thermometers. the ones with a little metal tip. then we wouldn't have to have these stupid fmls. problem solved.
teemy2003 3
ydi
stabbed1ntheback 0
Wouldnt you be suspicious after the thermometer was brown and tasted like shit? Unless he cleans it of course
sammehjennifer 0
Delicious.. I hope he's not the type to tell all his friends.
01sparkly 15
Eww :/ that's why I always take my temperature with my armpit
6demon6spawn6 12
bam. thats how humanity weeds itself out.