Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML
Today, I have a really high fever and my sister thought I was hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish, but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office to get my yearly check up. Soon after I got home, I threw up and somehow had a fever. FML
Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML
Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML
Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML
Today, I’m a nurse on a 12-hour shift and finally got a 5-minute break to inhale a yogurt. I absentmindedly grabbed what I thought was my spoon from my pocket. It was actually a thermometer cover. A patient watched me freeze mid-bite, slowly process my mistake, and then whispered, “Rough day?” FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML
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Top comments
yatoast 0
******* VOM... I'm a nurse and that's just gross!!!!
Freeze_fml 17
Rectal thermometers? Don't even want to know.
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Comments (148)
ninjacapo 2
ewwwww
ninjacapo 2
first. bask in the glory. fafp
Valentina_Baby 7
did it taste like chocolate? :D
ndizzle 0
FY-hepatitis-ridden-L!
TrollGrammarNazi 0
thread jacking in 3,2,1
jemmmaa 0
just vomitted in my mouth : S
Ms_Jessie22 8
Wouldn't oral thermometers and rectal thermometers look a tad different?
autumn16 0
that's really gross and you should really know the difference.. lol ydi (: sorry juss sayin (:
epoh_fml 0
no, Jessie, they're the same. that's why I label them :/
jemmmaa 0
guessing she wasn't feeling well, she probably just forgot to check wanting to know whether or not she had a fever (:
Blue_Coconuts 7
Sometimes in the heat of the moment, it's okay to go ass to mouth.
rohosoccer08 1
I never could use a rectal thermometer on my kids, that's gross to me, under the arm works for my daughter and I have an ear thermometer for my son
epoh_fml 0
can you get an accurate reading with an ear thermometer, roho? I never can :/ I prefer the auxillary method also.
korn247 5
YDI for not having your own thermometer... and not asking her before hand!
KiddNYC1O 22
6- huge fail
rohosoccer08 1
on my son I can ... it won't take my daughters but the dr said it doesn't work on babies under 2, but your daughter is 2 isn't she?
queencitystoner 0
gnarly haha
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Yummm.
epoh_fml 0
roho--she's 2 1/2 but I haven't tried it on her in over a year. but I couldn't even get a good reading on myself or her father when I tried.
clanceyrocks11 0
rectal means ass, right?
RosaOnThis 0
Bacteria for dayssss
MidnightOne 3
No, but you can tell the difference by the taste.
seanreddog 4
red = rectal blue = mouth Round tip = rectal pointy tip = mouth plastic film cover = no shit
MissRachieee 3
I modded this! :D
rohosoccer08 1
idk... but I just checked my daughters temp with 3 diff ones, under the arm said 101.6, pacifier thermometer said 103.1 and ear said 98.7... I know the ear is wrong cuz she definately has a fever, Im assuming the arm was the best reading, I just called her dr, waiting him to call me back
yatoast 0
damn you're fine
pingpongpickle 8
well did you put it in your mouth or ear? I guess either way it's gross. fyl
frosting1012 0
wow ur ugly!!
epoh_fml 0
roho--with the auxillary you need to add a degree. rectal you subtract one, and oral is usually right on. hope the wee one feels better :/ my lil one isn't doing so hot either. hand foot & mouth disease, ear infections, pink eye, and something else viral is going around our daycare :/ I'm praying hers is just the viral--no temp yet, just a runny nose and crankiness :(
rohosoccer08 1
yeah the dr just called me back told me how much mess to give her and I put her to bed, he said it was prob a viral infection
rohosoccer08 1
80, and 82 who are you talking to?
piinkbunnii 1
Well, maybe it's because your mouth isn't as hot as the anus!!! Wait, my sentence doesn't sound so great!!!
FmyLinNY 0
Btw, the OP is a guy, and not from France. He lives in New York. The reason he didn't know is because it was one of those thermometers that can be used for either. You can buy them at any Walgreens or CVS.
I_have_no_clue 0
#34 FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Xx_jESSii 3
I did too :)
Xx_jESSii 3
damn :( my comment was for #68 I modded this too.
GuitarPlaya7 0
why does your sister have a rectal thermometer??!? she must lock her door and "check" her temperature alot loll
love21_fml 0
there is differences in thermometers. rectal has a rounded tip which is red. oral is not as round with a blue tip. and checking your temp the axillary way is the most unacurate reading. you should try using another method.
bettadenne1 0
hahaha @34 deff won and here is ur prize
isteadymob 4
no shit Sherlock!
mustardcat 1
did u hold it in ur mouth?
Fancypants753 0
my sister nicknames her rectal thermometor " *****".
cr9landinho 0
haha love that movie
fmlperson1724 0
wow!! hahahah I'm sorry is it bad that I just rofl'd
yatoast 0
******* VOM... I'm a nurse and that's just gross!!!!
HouseHunter 2
hahaha lol
carriedaway02 0
hahaha that's gross
Freeze_fml 17
Rectal thermometers? Don't even want to know.
ninjacapo 2
rectum=butt. its a thermometer that goes up ur ass
epoh_fml 0
they're typically used for infants. that is the way to get the most accurate reading of their temperature.
icifresh911 0
I absolutely love your pic 7, it's pretty amazing! ^^ I think I used that comma properly.. : )
twi_freak 0
I know I sound stupid, but I don't get it!
Primus_fml 0
Your name sucks. So does Twilight.
PsychoShark 0
Agreed.
Freeze_fml 17
Damn straight.
ninjacapo 2
agree and a rectal thermometer goes in ur ass she put her sisters rectal thermometer in her mouth. thts why her name is ass to mouth. (which isnt a bad **** sight) lol
amandalovee 0
lol, twilight can be some what over rated
Ultimate_Cynic 0
@97: You....you're one of THEM, aren't you?!? CLEANSE THE IMPURE!!!!
CurlyChica808 4
Twilight blows.
lovelove24 1
fiiiiirrrsssstttttttt that's grosss op
Valentina_Baby 7
no u weren't lol
autumn16 0
ha what a dumb ass I hate people that say they were first but then they weren't lol.. juss sayin (:
PsychoShark 0
This is probably the best first fail ever. You got ninth. lol. fafp
iAmPaul 49
faaaaaiiiiiilllllllll ur 9th, idiot.
ninjacapo 2
i was first. put tht in ur juicebox and suck it
Diannaa 0
lol, asstomouth
caitlyn_skater 0
ydi don't take things that aren't yours haha YDI