Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML
Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tangerine_12 0
ewww thats sicckkk. but i woulda laaughed too ahaha.
xkat356 0
hahahaa, you should have just stuck the thermometer in your armpit, not your mouth, but FYL.
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Comments (79)
xnachox 6
EEWWW!!!!
jonny2x4 0
Wow. Finally an ATM FML.
tabbycat 0
oh, gross! >_< FYL
leenheartlovex3 0
Lmfaaoooo your boyfriend is funny as shittt.
MidnightOne 3
You can always tell the difference between a rectal and oral thermometer. The taste is different, as you've discovered.
ithedarkone 0
Wow that's pretty gross. I mean he could have put the thermometer in a place where you keep all the dog stuff like, the food, vitamins, and dog brush. It's kinda nasty to put it in a place someone can see it and use it. Especially in your shitty mouth ordeal.
wakawakawaka_fml 0
Do not want..
zuli_fml 0
Yeeeeeeah, that's pretty disgusting. I hope you at least washed it and used a disposable cover.
LilaBear 2
I don't know who takes temperatures orally anymore, but rather under the armpit.
whimsywhit 0
Really? You don't know ANYONE who does? My doctor does, the nurses at hospitals do too. The only reason the armpit is ever used is after a baby is too big for rectal checks but too young to hold the thermometer in its mouth.
soccergirl09 0
Plus an oral temperature is more accurate than an axillary temperature (armpit).
Glam_fml 0
Ugh. That's all I can say about this FML.