Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML
Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tangerine_12 0
ewww thats sicckkk. but i woulda laaughed too ahaha.
xkat356 0
hahahaa, you should have just stuck the thermometer in your armpit, not your mouth, but FYL.
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Comments (79)
SaintJimmy 0
I agree with #17.
premiermois 5
^ fail.
allmidnighteyes 11
almost got it there, 18. I was waiting to say the same.
allmidnighteyes 11
Haha, I saw, hence the ninja edit portion of my post. Thanks mercy :]
DameGreyWulf 1
Well, it's okay, because I'm pretty sure it's been washed. Of course that doesn't mean it isn't still gross lol
TeeParty 0
I feel like being a nerd today. You weren't feeling that WELL today. And FYL. Hahahahaha.
xxARIxx 5
What she said wasn't wrong.. You're not being a nerd, you're being stupid.
dylantaelle 0
kinky.
jessxoxo28 5
ewwww!!!
kimia123 2
Has anyone else noticed that the only French people that use this are from Nord-Pas-de-Calais? Or is it all one person?
Puolukka 4
Well, I have to admit that I never really paid attention to that fact, but considering that Nord-Pas-de-Calais is a region, not a city, and that about 7% of the total population of France live in that tiny area...there's at least a chance that it's not always the exact same person :p But now I will so totally always pay attention to FMLs from France just to see where they're from*loool*
egaonogenki 0
#27 (kimia123,) this is originally a French website. It's viedemerde.fr, and some of their users happen to know English so they went ahead and paid us a visit!
kimia123 2
Oh OK, thanks :)
CL41RE 0
break up with that bastard
stjarna_fml 0
For ***** sake, has this guy ever heard of disinfectant?
DrunkenValor 0
Just spit in his breakfast everyday for the remainder of your relationship with said boy. Failing that, if you're more extreme scoop up some of the dogs feaces and while he's napping in the front room, put it down his top and slap accordingly.
ooohlife 0
grosssss! why did you not sanitize it regardless?