Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

Love hurts

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

Ouch!

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

Poor good girl

Today, I woke up, got out of bed, but I didn’t notice the dog right next to my bed and accidentally kicked her. All the treats, apologies, and attempted pets in the world won’t help. FML

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML