Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML
Cool your boots
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
Road rage
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML
Speed
Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML
Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML
Catwoman
Today, I thought nobody was around so I meowed loud as fuck but actually there was some dude right behind me on a bike. Yeah, I know that's my fault, but… FML
Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML
Top comments
plutosaplanet 0
i beeped at people as they pulled out of my condo complex almost hitting me. i dont care where you live, if you drive like an idiot im going to let you know.
music_girl23 0
"i honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled"... holy crap. calm down. maybe you should look into anger management programs... he's on a bike what do you expect.
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Comments (79)
vivjojo 4
Who cares?
FernandoTorres_fml 0
Yeah, you can never trust those cyclists, always using our roads and not paying road tax. They walk hand in hand with immigrants. Buying a gun is the best way to eal with them. END SARCASM
Horney4her69 0
I agree. the OP needs help. maybe he needs to start biking to see how it feels when some ******** screams like that.
Freeze_fml 17
I'm just replying here so my comment goes to the top of the page.
HoesInaBox 0
shouldn't you know who your neighbors are?
Saccharide 0
@ #9 More like - "buy guns so you'll be ready if he comes for you". Can't pick up humor? Nice sarcasm though. *deal
Freeze_fml 17
Guess the guy who moderated my comment didn't understand it. Was making a remark about people who reply to the first comment to get their own at the top by imitating the poster.
foxboy2010 0
hahaha lol -pointless messege-
AVainAttempt 0
indeed
ihavenoname123 0
**** you. immigrants had absolutely nothing to do with the fml. you little douche go wank to Hannah montana.
Skull_300 0
Lead, Follow, or get the **** out of the way...Don't bitch about it!
Freeze_fml 17
@73 indeed. I guess blatantly stating that you're replying to the first comment to get your own to the top is a little vague and will get a literal response. *coughnumbercoughninecough*
rjisreal 0
exactly wat I waz thinkin
plutosaplanet 0
i beeped at people as they pulled out of my condo complex almost hitting me. i dont care where you live, if you drive like an idiot im going to let you know.
CallMeHush 1
I've learned a couple of things here and there, if you don't hold your hate in you don't get yourself upset and if you whip your ceramic coffee cup at some clown's windshild when he is honking at you, you feel better and they stop honking.
swhockey02 0
haha 35
dontyawishyaknew 12
I'm pretty sure they're talking about a motorcycle because it doesn't make sense otherwise. How many people can even peddle a bicycle at 20 mph?
NyQuilSausages 7
OP said 20mph UNDER the speed limit. The speed limit could of been 25 or 30mph.
jujujube 0
third
HeresReality 0
op is a ********. just wait and go around the biker when you get the chance don't be a total ass hole about it because you have a car and he doesn't. and did you really think he wouldn't be biking 20 mph under the speed limit? not unless your neighbors with lance Armstrong
bikrnick 0
You are the kind of sick pathetic bastard that puts everyone on the road in danger. They have as much if not more right to the road as you do...
Gargananana 1
The biker is just as much an asshole as the OP is. Just because you have a right to ride your bike in the street doesn't mean you should do it and force everybody behind you to go 5 MPH for however long it takes you to turn, arrive at your destination, or realize how much of a sick pathetic bastard you're being by not simply pulling over for a second and letting the person pass you. If you're riding a bike, you're obviously not in a hurry to get anywhere or else you'd be in a car, whereas the person in a car behind you might be on his way to work or a hospital and you're ******* him over just because you're a selfish assfuck and "LIKE OMG ITS MY RITE!!!" Of course I'm only talking about situations where the driver is stuck behind the biker. If the driver can go around the biker and just keeps driving behind him instead, the driver's the shithole.
Gargananana 1
My comment is replying to the one that called the OP a "sick pathetic bastard," which appears to have been deleted. But watev.
Gargananana 1
...and now it's back again. And FML lied to me when it said that my other comment wasn't posted. FML.
birds_fml 7
Did you know that some people cannot afford cars, and need to ride a bike to get to work. It's true! Not everyone has money! And in some areas it's not only illegal to ride your bike on the sidewalk, but it's strictly enforced. Nor is it always possible to move over, especially if there's a curb. I suggest people calm the F down and realize that being delayed by a whole minute isn't going to be the end of the world.
Person1233 13
Not being allowed on sidewalks is annoying as hell. I was in the city on a bike, and a cop told me to get off the sidewalk. So I did, and made a bus stop, honk, and curse me out for being 5 feet away from him. -.-
Gargananana 1
Okay, if somebody can't afford a car or a bus, can't get a ride from a friend or car pool, can't walk, is late for work, and is in a city with a lot of traffic, then I can understand not wanting to step aside for a few seconds to save somebody else a few minutes. But otherwise, it's very selfish not to.
temescal 0
In most places, riding on the street is not a right - it's an obligation. It's against the law to ride a bike on the sidewalk. Granted, the law might not be enforced very often if it all, but it's still the law.
danceoo 0
it's not selfish at all. if more people rode bikes not only would the planet be more healthy, but so would people. people have a right to ride bikes, and did anybody think that the bike probably could not phyiscally go faster? the correct thing to do is simply wait for a chance to overtake them, not abuse them for making a perfectly valid choice on how to get around. Bikers are not allowed to ride on the sidewalk in most places, and they have just as much right to be on the road as a stupid, road raged driver who guzzles gas.
janise 2
If you can't spare 3 seconds to let a car pass when you're on a bike then chances are you're going to be late to wherever you're going anyway.
wazdog 4
Actually, bikers have less of a right since the roads were designed and built for cars.
xladylarienx 18
You do realise that OP could have meant "biker" as in "motorcyclist"?
macs4evr 7
Actually the first roads were paved for bikes
AffrontedFetus 0
No they do not. If it was a motorbike then they have equal rights to go at the speed limit. Driving 20mph under is not only annoying but can be unsafe. If (as I think you took it) it was a normal bike, then they have no right to the road at all. There are bike paths all over the place but, you know, if you're too good for them, there a whole meter or so at the side of the road that would perfectly accommodate a bike.
AffrontedFetus 0
My bad. Read the fml wrong and it obviously is a cyclist. The point still stands.
lexa1love 16
Biking on the road can be very dangerous. Two years ago, I was driving and a cyclist was a few feet in front of me... well he decided to cut across the road without motioning, causing me to hit my breaks and be rear ended and I still hit his back wheel and sent him sliding.
colonelduckie 5
They are stupid and suck, they should just move over. It is worst the live near you. Next time if traffic allows pass them. I feel your pain.
Twi_lover_EC 6
The guy should have stopped and gone to the side of the road and let u pass anyway.
Secret_Fire_King 0
Go to anger management, OP.. Road Rage gets people hurt.. You need to learn how to act act responsible (not animal-like) in situations like that..
macs4evr 7
If this mofo Op did that in Athens Ohio his car would be flipped by a mob. 3/4 of the population is bike riding college kids and we don't deal with arrogant assholes' shit
Gargananana 1
This comment is a reply to the comment that called the OP a "sick pathetic bastard," which apparently was deleted. But watev.
jcrook 0
-deleted, meant to post as a reply-
wes85 2
Where I live cyclists are supposed to ride on the street not the sidewalk, so there isn't a choice.