Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
Aera_fml 0
Argh. I hate spiders SO much. I usually am the one people go to, though. Anyways, her father obviously doesn't trust you much. Poor you. ~_~
Pitaace 0
at least he didn't shoot you
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Comments (172)
sLap_fml 0
you could probably charge him with assault if you really wanted to.. that is ridiculous that he over reacted that much. i hope your head is okay.
BigLord 0
I sure hope the spider was next, lol
USNinja 0
Poor little itsy, bitsy spider..... /(*)/
iebabe 0
haha #48 true true.. i hate spiders.. but its across the room on the wall.. HELLO WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING????? and dad WHY DO U AUTOMATICALLY START BEATING UP THE BOYFRIEND.. Wierdo!! MEAN MAYBE.. ATleast i didnt hit you with a baseball bat!!
ryan__h 1
although it does seem like they were doing something bad/naughty, you guys shouldn't automatically assume it was sex
jessxoxo28 5
LMAO!!!! wow!!!sorry but, thats so funny!!!! i hope ur head feels better... lol!!!
Kiquick 0
Dude, you need to show/prove to her dad that even if she does scream that you can take care of it and don't necessarily need him to protect her! An irrational fear of spiders is called arachnophobia - commonly formed in children who have traumatic experiences with spiders! The irrational fear of anything, ranging from spiders to enclosed spaces to heights are common morons! Breaking up with a woman because she freaks out when she sees a spider is stupid! Do you really care that much about something so menial that you would actually contemplate break up? Anybody who does so should definetly not be in a relationship in the first place! Look at the big picture!
beany212 0
Today, I heard my sister screaming. All of a sudden her boyfriend starts screaming and so does my dad. I sure wish they would do that in like a hotel of something. FML
youknowit2 0
#31 is right... her dad hit you in the head with a BASEBALL bat, and you're still alive? And kicking? And Conscious enough to write this? AND... a baseball is a weapon. According to law, this is considered assault with a DEADLY weapon, in that he struck you in a vital area. Or even attempted homicide, if he swung for your head. Uh, this guy is a walking felony charge. I hope you're not BS-ing, or someone could moniter this, find your girlfriend's dad, and bring him in to lock him up. If you're lame enough to lie about getting hit in the head with a freakin' BAT, you MIGHT want to think about the consequences of trying to sound "cool". Sounds a little far-fetched there, kiddo.
dancing_bear 0
LMAO #70