Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
Aera_fml 0
Argh. I hate spiders SO much. I usually am the one people go to, though. Anyways, her father obviously doesn't trust you much. Poor you. ~_~
Pitaace 0
at least he didn't shoot you
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Comments (172)
Arzdin 0
#111 - I am American and I completely agree with you.
FreedomFirst 0
What a jerk! I hope she cleared that up for him and you got an apology.
3daysgrace 0
so how again is that f your life?
KoD_Troublesome 0
Get some serious brownie points with your lady that way bro. Remember that time when your Dad came in your room and almost killed me cause of that spider...
dudemitch 0
everyone accusing OP of bs because he's conscious is an idiot. He may very well have been knocked out or severely injured. Its not like 30 seconds after being hit with a bat he is going to decided "HEY! Imma put this on fmylife.com!!" Hell this could have happened last week, all FMLs start with "today" Plus, I've read in the news about a very similar thing happening. Dont remember exactly where it was, but the main difference is the boyfriend was naked and the dad had never met him. dad woke up at night, heard a noise, came in with a pipe. dad was charged, not sure what the outcome was.
zandar 0
and you're not dead?
were_giraffe 2
if you're still sentient enough to post i guess he didn't do to much damage but you can charge assault i guess now
funnykid 0
i call spiders eight legged freaks n i hate them. the bat wasnt so bad cus the same thing happened on the news a couple of years ago but the boy got shot! OMG consider yourself lucky but still... OUCH!!!
oasisaddict 0
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooouch!!!! Stupid Dad. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Protective, but should have looked twice.
Tsukasa_fml 0
Today some guy and his girlfriend freaked out over a spider. Her dad then smashed me into the guy's head for some reason. FML.