Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
Today, my mother had "The talk" with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
And your dad is out of town and/or had a vasectomy.
Starfire22 5
sooo, your mom has sex. old people have sex , bug whoop...
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Comments (83)
gaoning87 0
what a mom
ynp092883 0
You should be happy your mom has sex otherwise she would become a big ol bitch
heyitsbrii 0
my mom is very uh sexually active and shes a big ol bitch :/
LemonStarship 5
Chances are when you're that age you're gonna hope your wife puts that on the list too.
mikeymuscles112 0
Was she getting them for you or are you some type of uptight geeky prude who does everything with their mom
CitizenSnipz 0
Trojan? Trojan Horse? Greek sex FTW
omghehehe 0
Could've also been hot dogs, cucumber, zucchini, carrots, tampons, or lube ;)
DynamicDave 11
Well, let me try...was it toothpaste?
Esnedon 0
You know what I think she added? Potatoes. Yeah... that's definately what she put on her list.
VeilOfVelvet 0
Is it really that hard to believe that your mom is having sex with your dad? (or whoever she's with) I can understand that your parents love life isn't the first thing you want to think about, but I hardly think your life is ****** because of it.
simawesome_FYL 0
eww..loool ...emberassing ...