Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
Today, my mother had "The talk" with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
And your dad is out of town and/or had a vasectomy.
Starfire22 5
sooo, your mom has sex. old people have sex , bug whoop...
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Comments (83)
spaghetti542 0
Hey, at least you don't have to worry about her getting AIDS.
MangeMoi_fml 0
Oh yeah, cus everyone has a shopping list in their pocket while they watch tv so they can jot down forgotten items as the commercials come on...
RetroKid 0
lol hey,parents gotta screw to!
pomlaos 0
Maybe she's buying it for you.
Bucinka 5
Parental-age people have sex. Grow up and deal with it. And may you still be having sex (with a partner, that is) when you get to their age.
Bucinka 5
You know what, on second thought this has to be an FML for me. How does this get to be an FML, while the story I submitted doesn't? I may have to apply to be an FML judge, because clearly the panel is currently comnposed of self-absorbed sixteen-year-olds who think that when someone else buys condoms it's THEIR problem.
dstroyr0153 0
did she write down Cookies???
brutalley 0
i dont really think its an FML, so youre parents use condoms big deal
CAITx4OH1xCORE 0
awkwarddd.
suckmysarcasm 10
well at least she believes in safe sex. words of wisdom "dont be silly, wrap that willy!"