Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
Today, my mother had "The talk" with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
And your dad is out of town and/or had a vasectomy.
Starfire22 5
sooo, your mom has sex. old people have sex , bug whoop...
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Comments (83)
marc_with_a_c 3
how is that an fml.. unless she planned on buying them for you, but seriously she probably just remembered she needed to buy some condoms by seeing the add, get over yourself
xxmadicxx 0
oh condoms!! what a huge deal!! what are u,a fifth grader?
Shmeaty 0
congratulations. not only are you retarded, but your life is not f'd; it's average.
ihatedads 0
Time to invest in some earplugs (:
shaannonwilding 0
WIN! xD
1990TD 6
YDI for having a mother who does have sex _o- hahahahahaha wtf, don't bother
michelleyily 0
VAGINAS!:)
matt5217 4
what's that?
chiapet 0
she put bread on the list?
movies12 0
Your mom was probably joking. My parents do that to. When commercials like that come on my dad's like "Well, it looks like I need to buy that" he just said it so he could see the horror in my face, he doesn't even do it anymore, cause I know. LOL
kthxbai123 1
omg my parents do that too!
taylord20 0
creepy as ****
BunnyDrastic 0
Lettuce