Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were, "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML
Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying, "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML
Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML
Today, I watched Cast Away with my girlfriend after not seeing it for a year. I forgot how sad it was when Wilson "dies" at the end. I cried. My girlfriend told me to man up. FML
Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML
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Top comments
0dazednconfused0 0
That's hilarious, I hope he wasnt to serious about it.
phara_fml 0
You should have hugged him back and said, "And this is how you hug a douche bag."
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Comments (202)
Consequences 0
YDI for taking everything he ever says or does in the worst possible way, and for never actually discussing it before you have a fit over it.
lifeisaplay 0
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!
Klabauterpete 0
Depends on whether you really have whale-like characteristics.
phatdaddy 0
I wonder if she has a blowhole. I also wonder if that's the only reason her boyfriend's willing to date such a fatty...
xenomorph 0
Not quite FML: he thought your question was inane, so he gave you a sarcastic response.
TheMichaelIsFres 0
call Jenny Craig that always helps YDI
CarolinaDrama 0
Actually if my boyfriend said that to me I wouldn't be offended. We always call each other names, like beaver, chicken. Ha.
Darksun1 0
SOMAgirl? you incredibly amazed me. we need more free fun-loving women like you!!
jies 0
Okay, maybe he was just trying to show you how you hug a whale. Like anything else... you wrap your arms around it. And you're an idiot for not knowing that. You're probably just too sensitive, or (pssh, or, most likely!) you're another one of the idiots on this site that think their life is so bad, and that "nobody understands them". Get. A. Life. Stop being a baby, at least you have a freaking boyfriend. Go out in the world and have some fun and stop calling up your girlfriends going, "Oh, you know what he did? He hugged me when I asked how do you hug a whale! boo-hoo-hoo!" Cry me a freakin' river.
LaddieLover 0
it's frickin not freaking and besides don't be so insensitive
blastvortex 4
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/joke
jies 0
LMFAO. see, OP. We are all trying to help you. Look, blastvortex even got you a definition! You're an idiot, OP.
AliceC_fml 3
reminds me of my bf. cute and totally joking, Hun :) don't take it to heart so much