Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were, "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML
Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML
Today, I asked the guy I like if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He replied that he doesn't like their food. I think that's a no. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML
Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
Slap him for being rude. Geeze, that's cold.
okokalright 15
You will find someone eventually. Unfortunately, people can be ******* assholes that are probably insecure themselves.
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Comments (181)
olpally 33
Slap him for being rude. Geeze, that's cold.
TheEpicKitten 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No amount of insults constitutes assault
Talis99 26
Kick his ass now since his parents didn't do it enough as a child to raise him not to be a ********.
higgysaurus 18
#26 this is a definite reason to kick someone's ass.
Earths_Venus 25
What's the bet he tells everyone he's a "nice guy" and he doesn't understand why he can't get a girlfriend.
Ashamed_Sister 60
I’m with #26. “No amount of insults constitutes assault.” I’ve also seen females rejecting males in an equally rude way. Would this give a man the right to beat her? I think the users who say she should “kick him/slap him/and so on” just promote some sort of disgusting anti-male sexism. The fact that #26 has been down voted is really sad. I have a message for the users here on FML: Hurt feelings do not justify violence! Grow up and act like responsible adults.
higgysaurus 18
#123 for one, the same comments are not made about women, because you don't hit women, any man knows this, sexist or not. And secondly, what part of this dude's behavior seems adult to you? Why do you feel he deserves an adult response? He wants to act like a chikd with zero regard for the feelings of OP, so OP should act in a similar fashion, as that seems to be the be the only way to get through to him.
Ashamed_Sister 60
#138: Are you really suggesting OP should imitate the immature behaviour of this man by acting even lower than he? You seem to have a problem with the concept of appropriate responses. Violence as a response to mere words no matter how hurtful they are is surely not appropriate. Your suggestion that OP should stop acting like an adult is only a thinly veiled excuse for violent revenge but wouldn’t help anyone, and it’s dangerous. Someone who insults a women without regard to civilized standards most likely would hit back. I know and I’m glad about the statement „you don’t hit women“. However, I don’t like it because you also shouldn’t hit men, and every year countless men become victims of violence, often domestic violence at the hand of their spouses, even though this fact seems to have slipped from the public mind. Promoting double standards in public is not helpful.
olpally 33
Just because I suggest slapping this guy on FML doesn't mean OP is gonna actually do it. For all we know, this could have happened months ago. Chill. People need to learn to take some of these comments with a grain of salt.
Badkarma4u 17
I totally agree 139 1000%. There are plenty of men who would never hit a woman unless she assaulted him. Then a bad situation becomes really ugly. Once the situation turns violent typically the woman gets hurt and she has no recourse with the police if she started the physical abuse. I think the reason people find it funny to say is maybe they have never seen a woman hurt this way. Domestic violence is not ok.
KingLewisII 34
I think 123's point is proven further by the fact that she got up votes while 26 (a man ) got down votes for saying the same thing.
MrPotatoFace 9
I agree with #26. You should never physically assault someone unless it's self-defense.
Kieranr10 23
What a horrible person. Kick him in the balls that will teach him.
Badkarma4u 17
Do you think hes just going to let her assaukt him and thats it. Theres a good chance he'll end up beating the crap out of her, or worse calling the cops. I doubt the judge will appreciate whale noises as her defense.
milehigh52 22
all you people encouraging violence have got it all wrong. You have to scar him for life. I suggest watching the Malcolm in the middle episode that Lois gets revenge on those girls for pranking Reese for tips.
doodycakes 16
That's like saying "Oh that girl made fun of you? Go **** punt her or punch her in the boob!"
SamanthaaNicolee 18
Definitely a d ick
callsign_banana 19
That'll make him sound like a whale himself
okokalright 15
You will find someone eventually. Unfortunately, people can be ******* assholes that are probably insecure themselves.
BamBAmGG 14
Someone who is a straight asshole and has the maturity of a child, shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with. OP dodged a bullet really.
WarriorOmen 25
People ******* suck. You didn't deserve that op least now you know he's a jerk and can avoid him
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
I was going to say that OP dodged a bullet not going out with him but this is more like a hail of machine gun fire she missed.
clairelaliberte 16
What a shame. I'm sure you two would've had a whale of a time.
LilMissCanadian 22
Good try, but no.
XxDanno316xX 27
You sir, are an asshole. I realize you're trying to be funny, but dick move mate.
XxDanno316xX 27
You sir, are an asshole.I realize you're trying to be funny, but you're just like the dick who made the comment to the OP
Kiernan151 25
That pun was kinda bitchy under the circumstances...
A07 48
It was perfectly executed, just bad luck #5
SlyCooper15 16
WHY IS THIS GETTING DOWN VOTED?!?!?! This entire app is for shitty puns. offensive or not.
MrPotatoFace 9
I agree #172. People downvote everything. some guy said you should never physically assault someone, and people downvoted him.
rebelbelle 17
whale he will have a hard time finding someone to love him if that is his attitude towards life. You are better off without him OP!
The_Avatar 22
You just showed him you're a better person than he ever will be. Screw that guy.
corky1992 33
Sounds like you're better off. That's so rude though. It sucks being rejected, but even worse when they make fun of you. So sorry. Hang in there.
Kittyphysics 21
I was told that once. I proceeded to lose 80 pounds, while he joined the freshman 300. karma is a bitch.
Texas125 12
He's compensating for something :) If ya know what I mean. Sorry he said this OP.