Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADHD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML
Today, my attention deficit has gotten so bad that I started watching Family Guy on YouTube to avoid doing any work, then ten seconds later I got bored, grabbed my phone, and looked up "sexy cartoon porn." FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML
Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML
Today, I fucked up by jacking off. I have trouble getting "in the mood" due to medication and other things, so when I do I'm excited to enjoy myself, though it often takes a while and a lot of physical effort to get there. However, in the process of getting off today, I threw out my back and my hip. I'm only 29. FML
Today, stress makes my ADHD skyrocket. I lost focus while rubbing one out and didn’t realize I forgot to finish while I was doing the dishes. When I went to my room to try to get the job done, I lost focus again and ended up doing laundry. Not exactly the load I had in mind. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML
Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML
Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
I thought Marge's blue pubes would help you get to the finish line.
MrHomerSimpson 11
Don't say that about my wife.
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Comments (181)
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
49- I'm not ******* emo so stop trolling u fag
ewputthataway 0
I like candycanes.
Okayitwasme 0
Viagra.... Won't matter if you get distracted. You can go back to it. LoL
Stoneyyay 5
epic win 67
Torva_fml 16
Why are you all freaking ou..... CAT!!!!!
mamasait 1
Everyone has that ADD these days.
hellokatie8 5
A spectacularly PURPLE ostrich :}D
SandiRainbowFish 20
I don't see why everyone is -hey look a sled
hellbilly205 17
Op, the simpsons being yellow, and you wanking it should not go together i mean come on who.... oooh look a shiny nickel!
hateevryone 15
-______- tragic
xk75 4
Maybe my expectations are high, but OP, you posted from Canada. Surely you can get reasonably affordable medical attention, soon, for your problem. Good luck!