Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
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Top comments
nzhx 23
F your mother's life
Welshite 40
Tomorrow it will be two minutes. And three minutes the day after. Isn't it wonderful that you get to witness such great personal accomplishments? You should congratulate him on his times each morning. Being out the stopwatch while you're at it.
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Comments (40)
NYGiants1925 22
Is suggest you get some headphones, but it sounds like they'd be done by the time you put them on.
Tomryan279 10
If he did what I think he did then your mom need a new boyfriend and the boyfriend need to learn how to pleasure a women for longer then a minute.
oomph_fml 25
That's a stupid reason to break up with someone. if she's unhappy with it they need to communicate and the next step would be seeing a doctor to find out what the problem is.
Tomryan279 10
Learn to read I never said break up with the mother!!
oomph_fml 25
You said the mother needs a new boyfriend, that means breaking up.
Laphog 17
Twist: He might actually have been timing to see how fast he could finish . Now that the silliness is out of the way , there is even more time to watch Netflix and eat Cheetos
butterflybella12 14
You need ear bleach op...
Thekbking 11
or the real plot twist could be that the boyfriend got her to finish within a minute.
nzhx 23
That would be a record for the books
Dawnoftime 12
-_- That's hilariously unfortunate.
pawesome21 21
Wow that's five times longer than my last time!
50ShadesofBooty 7
This sounds like the exact FML I submitted a few months back that didn't make it to the site.
P_Game 3
that sucks
andrmac 25
You should call him the loudest minute man alive the next morning maybe it will embarrass him enough not to be so noisy or sound proof the room or put music on at least.