Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my husband of 3 years talking to our boss, an attractive blonde. She was telling him that she couldn't believe he was with me. She thinks I'm fat and ugly and that he's hot. He said, "She's not that bad…" We work in the same store and she follows him around like a puppy. FML
Today, I came home upset about the sexism in my work place. I just wanted to be alone, but my husband insisted we talk about it. I noticed he kept looking over and one of his hands was moving. He was playing video games the entire time I was spilling my guts. FML
Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML
Today, my husband called me annoyingly needy for saying he never compliments me. I could be half-naked, shaking my ass on the internet, or cruising bars to get validation from strangers. God forbid a woman wants the one person she loves to pay her a crumb of attention. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML
Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML
Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML
Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML
Today, I realised I may need to work on my marriage when I saw my husband in public, laughing and smiling with his coworkers, then when he saw me his smile disappeared and he stood up like a tired old man to come and speak to me. FML
Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying, "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML
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Top comments
eilonwylovegood 8
He's an ass.
Michael_92 20
Damn that really does suck. Guys like that make us all look bad.
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Comments (258)
flockz 20
throw a condom at him. he's acting like a dick he might as well dress as one.
yummy_richkid 3
Your profile pic epic. Never change it. It always makes me chuckle.
yummy_richkid 3
Your profile pic epic. Never change it. It always makes me chuckle.
mpsteve137 15
You ripped that off another FML. Cheater.
flockz 20
i would say you win for realizing that, but am i a cheater for referencing something else? no, just shows i've been here for awhile.
HSOMGF 5
Time to upgrade to a new model that is minus the asshole mode.
ladyLALAA 29
Upgrade your **** with his money then dump his ass!
MickGold 8
1- AGREED! tell him that, see how fast he clams it!
SecretMe00 5
If you're replying to number 1 then post under it in the thread. Don't post a whole new one.
MickGold 8
Sorry, sorry. Shit happens, alright?
leogirl95 12
Burn his video game
_BradyBunch_ 7
That's a little harsh, don't you think?
GoW_Chick 15
Psh.. Easier solution is get a sexy wonder bra to push those bad boys up, I'm sure then you'll have a perkier outlook on life. :)
rattusrattus 19
Or teach her husband the wonders of firm berries, as opposed to delicate peaches.
DrMime 10
I tried to wear these scrunchy briefs to give me a 'cocky one-eyed' look on life... Bu-dum-pshnt...? I guess 'wander' bras give you a 'titty' outlook on life aswell.
coffeeandcream 8
I bet you're beautiful just the way you are. :)
06rubiandrea_fml 5
I am really curious...haw do you know this? According to her husband it is not true... I hate it when people tell someone who they don't even know that they are beautiful..what the hell do you know? I have news for you dude,thare are ugly people in the world!
menechiann 0
94 - you're a fool. No matter what we look like or what size we are, at the end of the day we are all Gods gift to earth and we are beautiful in our own unique way. So quit being such a prick and move on with your life...
06rubiandrea_fml 5
Yes keep telling yourself that...but at the end you know that I am telling the truth...and no,we are not ''all beautiful and gifts of God''...just look around you and you will understand...
MuchDance90s 0
yes that is true if you're under 35. after that however, good luck getting by on looks! lol
ILike_Dancing123 19
We're beautiful in our way cos God makes no mistakes. There's more to life than just looks!
CoreyC07 10
#113 I highly doubt you would ever consider marrying a 400lb beast of a man. Looks aren't everything, but anyone who says they don't matter altogether is in denial.
Colonel_Lexi 18
104 didn't get enough hugs when he was little.
xStaciexLynnx 15
So maybe looks aren't everything but if OP is straight up ugly on top of being a bitch (which I personally think she is after this FML) then that proves it: sometimes there really is nothing beautiful about a person.
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
140. I have to disagree. Every person has been raised, brought up, and views the world in seperate ways. Everyone faces an internal struggle of self discovery and self conflict, criticizing themselves, and diminishing them selves until they change the way they live and see life. People act different because the way they have set their mind, therefore it is a buildup of the ways others have treated them, in response of their actions. People are vulnerable, and lost, wishing to please others. They don't just wake up one day and say, "Oh! I should be a bitch!" I don't understand why some of you people say that everyone is not beautiful, that just lowers there self confidence and causes their situation to worsen. Overall, everybody has different traits that make them unique and beautiful. You may not be able to see them, but they're there.
Jaxx66 21
*cough* 113, I'm not saying that we aren't all somehow beautiful. But God does make mistakes. What about Lilyth? He created her first to be a companion to Adam and she didn't want to lay with him. so mistake #1. But on that note as well, I would prefer to know that the all knowing creator can at least make a booboo sometimes... It's not a bad thing.. And I still can't decide if God made possums or the Devil sent them up from his lair. >_> I still think they are from hell.
Nursewilly 0
No mistakes Bible-thumper? One word: Holocaust.
06rubiandrea_fml 5
I am a girl,I did get a lot of hugs..and I was elected Miss of my region!
taybail 0
218- Just shows what kind of a bitch you are, there are those people who think that they are better than others and you posting that kind of shit makes you look like a person who cares more about her ego than her friend or people she hardly knows! :) *bitchy smile*
UnleashedKilla1 4
Dousche bag.
HerpaderpMeg 12
*douche bag
123josie123 11
*grammar nazi
Wolvander88 19
*spelling nazi.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*Spelling Spetznaz Or *Basically the same shit
MrsUresti 8
What an ass
alexup24 13
tell him he has a small dick
rdrr 2
Maybe just maybe she has a large ******!
Daiyuki 5
Hotdog down a hallway anyone?
heyyy464 1
What a cool name.