Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML
Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
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Top comments
onlychildFTW 34
He only explained your job in an "everyone will understand" way.
BeccaHugs 17
This is why family reunions suck. It always ends up with someone drunk, someone fighting, someone crying etc... I'd rather stay home and read FMLs.
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Comments (110)
onlychildFTW 34
He only explained your job in an "everyone will understand" way.
sweetdreams20 0
I'm pretty sure animal breeder is pretty straight forward...
shanemaximo 7
Well I'm sure the animals love you.
crisspz 4
well whatever it takes to get them to have babies right?
IphonFML 6
Yet another appearance by trolldad
mic203 2
nah its nt,plus old man booze waz taking his words from the bottom of the bottle.
maxmex13 7
What the hell is an animal breeder? Oh a person who jacks things off, OK. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?
nerdlyfe101 4
To be honest ... The OP's father Never said anything incorrect . That's her job , you can make it seem like you have a good job by talking about it. But in all reality that's what she does. Live with it. Be proud of it... Or find a new job .
drlove78843 6
76- it's the way he said it. She doesn't jack these animals off, she breads them professionally.
eilonwylovegood 8
He probably wants your job.
LookOnBrightSide 12
2-Yes, OP's dad is probably already qualified for the position.
CareFace 16
Your comment is invalid.
pslcdsl 9
Aww he's just jelly :)
flockz 20
jelly for splooge?
TheWindowLicker 13
Call me crazy, but I don't think they would listen to a very obviously intoxicated man. Just my 2 cents.
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
But all the same, it is still embarassing.
Rocky007 15
You're crazy.
MatheusRajuidas 5
Of course you'd protect her. You obviously enjoy that, fox.
BeccaHugs 17
This is why family reunions suck. It always ends up with someone drunk, someone fighting, someone crying etc... I'd rather stay home and read FMLs.
rachelthelime_fml 29
Amen!
ladiesman219 4
that does suck OP, atleast it can't get any worse.
LunaDragon 10
The dad could have asked Op to give, great granpa a demonstration. Worse.
dabomb1463 0
Why would you get drunk at a family reunion like wtf but FYL
holllla_fml 3
Well I don't know about everyone else's families but at our parties some of the uncles get drunk just because there's tons of free alcohol around.
agm77 9
Why WOULDN'T you get drunk at a family reunion?
mic203 2
#6 u nt that smart r u?
Doxy 22
Getting drunk at your family reunion is the only thing keeping you sane. And it's a good way to have an FML to tell.
bfsd42 20
47, you must have thought 6 everything he/she knows.
mic203 2
and am here wondering who tought ur parents to a point where they spawnd a moron like u.
Unlucky_Gun 0
Obviously smarter than you 47
mic203 2
#89 if u r bored and lookin' for attention go suck on ur mother tit coz around here u'll get ur feelin'z hurt kid.
EvilCupcake8361 9
98: please use proper English before trying to insult someone on here, you're only embarrassing yourself :)
Michael_92 20
Thats a crazy odd job; how much does someone make doing that?
MissHayleyJames 7
I'm in school getting my degree to be a horse breeder and you can easily make $50K your first year out of school if you include all the perks of the job.
teague95 16
You have to have a degree to (for lack of a better term) jack off horses?
Dusty_Busters 15
About five quarts an hour
MissHayleyJames 7
You do if you want to make a career out of it. The breeding manager at Winstar Farms in Kentucky didn't but he's been in the business a long time. Nowadays you really do if you want a successful career with it. You can get a masters degree in equine reproduction as well. I'm getting a masters in business though. There's actually a LOT of science involved with it but it's pretty cool, especially if you get to see the baby at the end of it all. And you get to play with liquid nitrogen to freeze semen and what's not fun about playing with liquid nitrogen?
Michael_92 20
@60 That is pretty cool. I hope it all goes well. I would agree that there is a lot of science to go into that. It isn't as simple as one would think. Anyway good luck!
MissHayleyJames 7
Thanks! It's a pretty cool job and once you see those babies grow up and compete its so rewarding.
heyyy464 1
Well it sounds like a fun family reunion.
LadiDi_fml 10
So do you? (:
leogirl95 12
Don't lie. You know you do.