Today, when I got back from running errands, I had to explain to my 50 year-old mother-in-law the dangers of suffocation. She let my 5 year-old daughter play with the plastic packaging from water bottles, and it was OK because, "it was only on her head for 2-3 minutes." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as a joke, my husband filled my son's airtight water bottle with seltzer water before we went to kindergarten. The top blew off when he tried to drink, hitting him in the nose and spraying him with cold water. FML
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half trying to rid my house of smoke and burnt plastic smell because my little sister didn't know she was supposed to add water in the package of microwaveable mac and cheese. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went out to neighbour's just down the street and left my 12 and 14 year-old daughters at home. The 12 year-old found the fire extinguisher and thought it was whipped cream, put it in her mouth, and tried to eat it. The 14 year-old didn't even bother to call us. Luckily, the 12 year-old is fine, the stuff was safe. FML
Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML
Today, I trusted my mother-in-law to watch my 3 year-old son while my husband and I were at work. She fell asleep while watching him and he somehow opened the door, ran outside, fell and scraped his knee. Her response was, "Oh well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger." FML
Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML
Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML
Today, my mom ate some flowers without knowing if they were safe. Turns out they are slightly poisonous and she had an upset stomach, but she will be fine. Her excuse? "I didn't know it had poison." I had to explain that's exactly why you don't eat plants you don't know are poisonous or not. FML
Today, my son was playing with a piece of plastic wrapping and trying not to let it fall to the floor as if it were a balloon. This is after he got some kick ass gifts for Christmas. Kids. FML
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Top comments
Hangryko 32
"Doing it the way she thinks is right" would not hold up in court.
Hangryko 32
Never let her watch your child alone again.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
What are you so uptight about? 2-3 minutes of hypoxia causes only "moderate" brain damage. Who wants a smarty-pants kid, anyways?
Pawlys Bartys 11
if a 5 year old can't be left alone to not suffocate on a plastic wrap, perhaps it's a tad late to worry about brain damage
RichardPencil 32
Let Darwin do his thing!
jobekka 20
Don't leave your kids with her then, don't lecture her about it. she's doing it the way she thinks is right.
Hangryko 32
"Doing it the way she thinks is right" would not hold up in court.
JackWood 21
Did she sing the suffocation song at the same time?
Hangryko 32
Never let her watch your child alone again.