Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realize she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. Five minutes later I shat and vomited myself. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML
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Top comments
SarcasticUnicorn 9
I hate it when people don't flush. Age shouldn't matter because we were all supposed to be taught since a very young age.
CastielJ 6
lol I thought of Skittles when I read your name..
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Comments (126)
ImaSnowman 2
Why didn't you just puke out side somewhere? You were already there..
dominic1221 6
OP obviously has class, unlike some commenters saying he should retch in the yard like a dog.
phatdaddy62 23
Okay, My wife just kicked me out of the house and I'm sleeping in a motel. I read this and busted out laughing!
Soloman212 28
Do you have some sort of "scared-shitless-of-shit" phobia or something? What the hell? Why would OP shit themselves? (Didn't thumb you down though, just wondering how you could have possibly thought that...)
Luunatic 13
I have a tummy ache right now. I think I'm about to throw up.
al66orange 4
that's great. first FML I read today and have felt sick ALL night lol
dfens 8
Women, with class, don't shit.
supportcommand 17
I lived with my grandma for a while too. She had Alzheimer's. She'd do all kinds of strange things. Not her fault though. Terrible disease. FYL
Abbeygale 8
That's actually one of the most rank things I've ever heard on FML .___.
PartyChick55 13
Reading this FML makes me want to be sick.
woodyc47 5
If your already outside, why go inside?