Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realize she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. Five minutes later I shat and vomited myself. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML
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Top comments
SarcasticUnicorn 9
I hate it when people don't flush. Age shouldn't matter because we were all supposed to be taught since a very young age.
CastielJ 6
lol I thought of Skittles when I read your name..
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Comments (126)
Dogluvr1197 30
I would have just waited for the nausea to pass outside. At least if you did vomit, you wouldn't have to clean it up if it were in some bushes.
ambylyn2010 3
That is so gross!!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Flush and kill two birds with one stone.
ebonyirony 29
I've had a cough for two months and it makes me puke everyday. Sucks for us eh
asherm 15
Should get checked for whooping cough if you have no other cold symptoms or other known illness (allergies, smokers cough, etc). I've had it, seems to be on the rise again. Coughing until vomiting can be a symptom.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
If you don't get that checked out, your esophagus and teeth are going to suffer. As with the lining of your stomach.
ebonyirony 29
Lol I've been!! I've taken zpacks and nasal sprays. You think I'm stupid? Haha it's allergies at its worst.
olpally 33
What the ****??? *goes to bathroom and barfs* after reading this FML.. **** all our lives for having to read this fml.. D:
mxpklx 12
I think my stomachs going to be empty now...
mmmmIdiots 5
Ohh poor OP that's just nasty!!!
perdix 31
I don't think you can dry-heave when there is food in your stomach. I find dry-heaving more painful than puking anyways. Perhaps you have dry-heaving and dry-humping confused?
MidnightKnight 6
A perdix comment with negative thumbs? Something isn't right here
DarkDaedalus009 8
Messy people are mean :(
Sammislife 5
eww hate that feeling when it comes up my throat ugh sorry to hear that.