Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML
Last splash
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
Cringe
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Sorry, little dude
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Beach body
Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realize she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. Five minutes later I shat and vomited myself. FML
Get the hell out of there
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML
Top comments
SarcasticUnicorn 9
I hate it when people don't flush. Age shouldn't matter because we were all supposed to be taught since a very young age.
CastielJ 6
lol I thought of Skittles when I read your name..
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Comments (126)
CastielJ 6
lol I thought of Skittles when I read your name..
MrBubblez98 13
Lol you're thinking of skittles till you read the post... Then everything changes...
MindFreakazoid 10
Now if only OP barfed a rainbow!
Judahsh 8
Hey doc, i think im gay! How can you tell? Rainbows!!! (Asdf reference)
ZooMzy 9
And imagine what that rainbow tastes like. Excuse me, I have to go to the restroom.
IphonFML 6
ouch! This kinda stuff you can't make up, unlike some FML's. That really does suck, aha
bmykytyn 0
So damn true
Bonzer 2
44- I get that, but the vast majority of people on FML probably don't.
MindFreakazoid 10
44 - Edit: Hey doc, I think I might be a homosexual! How can you tell? *man barfs a rainbow* RRRAAAAIIINBOOOWWSSS!!!
beeship321 5
If you're outside why not just vomit out there?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Throwing up is one of the worst things ever; Granny spit-up isn't much better. FYL!
lessthan0_fml 6
It was granny POOP! D:
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Oh...
SpottedZebra42 14
31 - I think you would feel different about that if you threw up for 7 hours straight.....
XxDevilxXGt 26
Well at the end of 7 hours you would feel extremely relieved. The relief level stacks up the more you vomit, I would say.
Judahsh 8
Or worried about the next attack
Zano23 9
Strange, I never feel good after I throw up. Sure I'd feel relieved that it's finally over but I always cry after I'm done. It's usually from the pain in my stomach and throat from the acids.
wallandpiece 16
I feel adrenaline after I throw up. It's a nice feeling. Is that normal? Does anyone else get that? Please help.
buck33 14
When I'm sick and throw up, so I puke once every hour or two, it sucks. It's painful and uncomfortable. But when running gets hard at a football practice and I start to feel horrible, throwing up is the best thing ever. It depends on the scenario, maybe even what kind of vomit.
AKGirlinSD 20
There are definitely two types of vomitting: one is where you feel like you've eaten and/or drank too much. Once you puke, you feel so much better. The other is where you can't stop puking if your life depended on it. Very annoying and, more so, painful! I'm only adding my two cents because having gastroparesis makes me puke, multiple times a day. I know the difference :-).
AKGirlinSD 20
126, after 20 minutes of puking, I want to roll over and die. It is never fun and bile and acid tastes horrific. Not to mention all the wonderful foods that have been ruined.
Pinkpoogle 3
What?! Ewwww haha I hope your stomach feels better. :)
iseyixes 18
Yep OP's gran helped her get that awful feeling out of her tummy.
boofgall 16
I was eating bacon while I read this. God damn it!
Bonzer 2
Nothing can ruin bacon.
tymarie2012 31
Bacons nasty
john443 5
That's disgusting! But at least you threw up and got it over with.
Inheritance 10
Was Mr. Hankey in the toliet?
dumboears 8
This FML makes my stomach want to empty. Ugh, sorry OP. Flush before you even lift the lid next time!
MyaaBayyBee 6
How when OP is already face down in there?
MissMae93 23
6 - If I'm about to puke my guts out (or suspect I might) my LAST thought would be "Hmm maybe I should check the toilet while holding back this lovely bile trying to release itself from me". Most normal people flush after doing their business, I'd assume I would be all clear for landing in OP's situation.
360XBOXFTW 0
Sunning yourself?
dumboears 8
OP's a cat.
SarcasticUnicorn 9
I hate it when people don't flush. Age shouldn't matter because we were all supposed to be taught since a very young age.
dumboears 8
She probably used an outhouse when she was young. I doubt she was taught to flush.
Mauskau 36
Floaters are poos that don't always flush the first time. My brother used to do them all of the time.
SarcasticUnicorn 9
Later in life though, surely at some point before she was old she used a regular toilet that flushes.
BulldogHoops 14
I have a brother who is a senior in high school. He's incredibly gifted yet has about a 50% flush rate. Makes for the start to some terrible mornings.
perdix 31
#8, No, you're wrong. People at either end of the lifecycle are excused from flushing duties. They can also talk about things like fisting girls to ******.
missalkali 8
really perdix? at either end of the life cycle they can talk about fisting girls to ******? I think not.
sicksadworld1317 30
Well, there's unfortunately, always the possibility of dementia and/or alzheimer's. Could account for forgetting to flush :(
Mauskau 36
Well perhaps she flushed but the poo didn't go, and didn't check. She had put the lid down so I'm guessing thats why she didn't reflush as she didn't know it hadn't gone. But op doesn't give enough details to say if she did flush or not.
WingedLovely27 20
Sounds like another FML reference. :)
MolesterStallone 13
Hopefully you didn't stick your face down in the toilet before you looked!
Feared 9
MrBubblez98 13
Hey look at the bright side: your stomach is empty :D
MrBubblez98 13
I fail :(
CinnBadd 4
Grammar grammar grammar.
ImmaB3AST 7
Grammar, grammar, grammar*
Shrike 24
Grammar, grammar, grammar.* ****, there's a serious echo in here. Someone lay some carpet and decorate the place.
Judahsh 8
...Mar ...mar ...mar...
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Grandma grandma grandma...
N3766 20
Choir at its best. May I join you guys?