Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realize she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. Five minutes later I shat and vomited myself. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML
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Top comments
SarcasticUnicorn 9
I hate it when people don't flush. Age shouldn't matter because we were all supposed to be taught since a very young age.
CastielJ 6
lol I thought of Skittles when I read your name..
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Comments (126)
emeraldisle 30
As much as I hate throwing up, I always feel so much better afterwards. But in your case I'd probably make an exception.
ImmaB3AST 7
I'm betting those floaters helped you relieve your vomit. If I was you, I'd be thanking them.
MigraineurOfLife 15
Unless there was splash-back from the contents of the bowl, then F-OP's L indeed!
FtP_Benihana 0
Courtesy flush
jenniiienyc 5
Nothing worse than old stinky turds:( That's sick, but old people forget A LOT. Sorry, OP. I really am.
kenbarbz72 0
That's shitty.
ImmaB3AST 7
* cuts off throat with a piece of paper.*
ImmaB3AST 7
******* double posts. I guess this is what happens when you reply to a shitty pun. FML ***** you over.
Psych101 9
You must be the first person ever to use that pun on FML. Congrats.
eeppiicc 8
Kind of like your comment..
krylonpony 3
Hey it could be worst. At least it isn't some arm asking for toilet paper like in Majora's mask then a dead kid named: BEN that haunts the game specifically saying "you shouldn't have done that" and then haunts your electronics until it drives you to play more haunted Majora's mask.
MissMae93 23
Uhm, 28, what the hell are you talking about?
challan 19
I always choose the sink... my head near a stinky toilet makes me heave! sorry op!
Braxton_84 3
But sometimes that helps haha.
mhopper 13
Isn't that the point? For me, just the thought of throwing up makes me throw up ::vomits::
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Your vomit chunks don't clog the sink?
ruabadfishtoo 0
well you'd clearly use a clean toilet and expect it to have been flushed by the last person who used it. Using a sink is worse in my opinion.
challan 19
I meant if I was just feeling sick like op was... even a clean toilet has a scent that makes me gag. probably psychological, I'm sure. I don't want my mouth near someones poop.
KingCeltic77 18
You might wanna get a plumber...
DustyLyn1 9
Why didn't your Dry-Heave/ Vomit outside? You were already there D: Better than the shat you found O_o Bushes= Automatic new air for you!(:
dmmcintyre3 8
I agree, why risk vomiting on the floor before making it to the toilet when you are already outside?
Enslaved 38
Garbage disposal FTW! Throwing up is gross but it's worst when your face is where asses have been.
efrainelboricua 12
What if there was dishes? Unless you wasn't referring to the disposal in the sink
Enslaved 38
I'm a clean freak so. . . dishes wouldn't be over stacked in my sink anyway. My toilets are also clean at all times. However, that upward splash that happens when one throws up? Blah! Personally, I'd rather do it on top of dishes and deal with the easy clean up afterwards.:P