Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML
Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, our house caught fire. While trying to help my mom get to safety, the word "fuck" accidentally escaped my mouth. Once we were safe, she said I was grounded for swearing. I'm 19. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
OP, now say "I'm a ******* moron" five times fast. What does that sound like to you?
WTSchool 0
She probably thought you were smart enough to figure it out. Sorry.
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Comments (104)
isaiaha11 2
JESUS CHRIST D:
urdirtyolduncle 15
u got owned by ur own grandmother
brianjman14 23
That's what one kid tried to do to me in class a few weeks ago (instead, he said "I am sofa king retarded."), so I got back at him with the old "Alpha Kenny Body" trick. :)
MattBC97 4
u a mo ho
5t3ff1k4h 47
10 - That's priceless. I'm surprised no one's realizing it could be made harder, though. "I am sofa king, wee Todd did."
wwerulez14 6
I tried this on both of my younger sisters. They both fell for it, hook line and sinker, and the best part? This was in the SAME ROOM, literally 2 minutes apart. Almost had me in tears.
zach5432 3
your sofa king we Todd did
5t3ff1k4h 47
You're*...
zkchild 0
Were you guys trying to bring back a chicken?
theboss_ishere 0
dont say retarded :( thats mean.
iSitt 0
Well Oil Beef Hocked Owah Tafoo Liam
lolaisagirl 0
98 haha niicce
mamamiaaa_fml 12
95-no
blankaex 0
I've done this to my friend, but in a less obvious and more awesome way. "Eye yam sofa king we tar did" I used only real words because I'm pro :D Alternatively, there's also: "Ice bank mice elf"
boatkicker 5
My father got me to say "Owah Tahna Siam" a whole bunch of times when I was a kid. I used to put on little magic shows for my family, and they were my magic words. It took me forever to realize what I was actually saying. No wonder everyone thought my shows were so fantastic!
IVANTTOCOME 0
Your grandmother sounds dirty, phone number pls.
MattBC97 4
u a ho mo
metal8214 0
ummmm... no...
jewban 3
ummm yes
Barn312009 0
lol she sounds cool as hell
Norther 1
LOL
Fall3nAngel 23
That is brilliant. I think you should get her to say 'fat China' over and over really fast. xD
nahgemsoohc 0
OP is sofa king stupid
katiedoll6 7
Bad ass grandma
WTSchool 0
She probably thought you were smart enough to figure it out. Sorry.
xNephilim 19
I love how it's posted under "love". :D
Zmeilerr 22
I see what you did there.
nocanhaz 4
I hate to break it to you but this FML is under miscellaneous, not love.
5t3ff1k4h 47
If I remember correctly, by default when using the iPhone app, the FMLs are posted under love. If I'm wrong, don't sue me... I don't use the app.
IcyJack 7
If you can say something as retarded as that without thinking about it, then I wonder what else people can put in you mouth. As they say, you are "sofa king retarded" Ignore the obvious negative implications of my sentence.
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe she just didn't think her grandmother would punk her out like that. Not everyone is hypervigilant for pranks.
ghostofChrist 2
the cake is a lie.
Zmeilerr 22
Long live grandma!
starile 20
Are you sure she didn't have you start that sentence with "I am"?
Shorty_Shaza 5
Grandmother: 1 OP: 0
ellamegan 0
after reading this, im sure gradma has even more than 1 wins lmfao
Hopersz 0
Lol you got OWNED by your grandma. Go grandma lol