Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Something tells me that you aren't the chosen one...
Pentium_4 27
don't mind me as i use my special technique to click the YDI button
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Comments (133)
mrlopez 13
Damn, would've been fun if there was a punch line that accompanied this.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Cool story, bro.
HerrBawl 4
She didn't see you. She is a master of Sinanju and heard the tendons creak as you mimed the punch. She may have also sensed your douchebaggery.
Emerald_86 0
You have much to learn grasshopper..
caplox 6
Why wouldn't you do it behind one of your friends instead?
BlackBelt4Me 7
You're lucky all she did was kick you in the stomach, OP! What did you expect her to do, just stand there and let you randomly swing at her?
caplox 6
OP expected that she wouldn't see him.
septemberpeaches 8
I would have kicked your ass too!!
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Sorry, off topic, but I love your sleeve work. :) My wife and I both want to get a sleeve done in the fall. If I may ask, how long did it take in total for both arms?
septemberpeaches 8
Aww thank you! :) it's just work done over time...
br0ccoli 15
Hey, ninjas are people too. Did you see that? No? Check your wallet.
myndmelt 4
Your supposed to block.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Opps, that was me OP, sorry about that. Ok probably not since OP is in Australia and I'm in Canada, but I had some moron pull the same sort of stunt and reacted as most people would expect- I felt I was being attacked and attacked back. I competed in gymnastics, then learned karate and judo... So you can guess who came out the looser. :p Seriously feigning a blow at a friend... Still kinda dumb but least they know to expect it. Do that to a stranger? Most people are going to kick back
Shrike 24
The "looser"? Did you ass-**** him afterwards or what?
Fylminesawsome 5
Your ninja skills are nothing!