Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Something tells me that you aren't the chosen one...
Pentium_4 27
don't mind me as i use my special technique to click the YDI button
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Comments (133)
thebigbadwolf17 2
You guys are idiots, He didn't deserve her to actually kick him when he only MIMED the punch.
ManInTheMachine 20
I wouldn't say he deserved it, but he should've at least expected a negative reaction when miming a punch at someone. 'Cause to the person walking past, it sure as hell won't look like he's miming it.
thatoneguy79 10
27) If I happen to be walking by someone and see an unprovoked assault headed my way, I am not going to stop and wait for them to hit me in order to determine if they are miming for their friends or after my kin. I will react to the pending assault in order to protect and defend myself. This is why when playing around, only play with those that know. Assuming you don't want your ass kicked.
CrazyManNo9 29
Well, you're right it one respect. She shouldn't have actually kicked him. She should have actually kicked his ass. He was showing off. He threatened her. She had no reason to believe that he was not serious and wouldn't go further. And, he was an idiot. Need I go on or should I send her over to kick your ass too?
Ugi 27
#27 - if someone comes up to you without warning and throws a punch towards you, especially from behind, you do not have time to consider whether they might be miming. Also, if you have trained to any significant extent then you will react on reflex: someone punches towards you then you will block, or counter-attack or whatever. Show a move on a friend who knows what to expect - fine. Show a move to a random passer-by - expect trouble.
DocBastard 40
Clearly judon't know what you're doing.
sammyluvspugs 4
You really dis deserve that
justin574 6
fag.
ManInTheMachine 20
Douche. Your turn.
HannahLouise96 13
Fag? Woah guys, looks like we've got a badass over here.
isaiaah 6
And this is why you don't try to fake punch someone in the back of the head
laden_swallow09 35
You don't point at something you don't intend to kill; that's one of the first basic tenets of gun control. Duh!
ChickInGreenVans 12
Daaang!! You guys are really harsh though!! So please keep your smartass comments to yourselves.. Hate me or Rate me** Please rate me though I DARE!! YOU!! Signed from an African Princess**
ManInTheMachine 20
Before you get buried (because I can gurantee it'll happen), let me tell you something for next time: If you get thumbed down, deal with it. Suck it up. Move on to the next FML. But please, for the love of all that is holy, don't post a comment about it. This isn't Youtube, Facebook or Twitter, so nothing on those social networking sites applies here. You're just begging to get verbally assaulted. Now, the mods might be gracious enough to remove this comment, but if not, prepare for a shitstorm.
CrazyManNo9 29
Oooookay, why I am mildly turned on...?
DocBastard 40
ChickInGreenVans - Keep the smartass comments to myself? Last I checked this was the COMMENT SECTION. *rereads site rules* Yup, I see nothing there about smartass comments being forbidden. In fact, I suspect that if you ask the moderators, the smartass comments are the ones that would be most accepted and appreciated, other than helpful and insightful Cinn-type comments. But who the hell wants to read THOSE?
ChickInGreenVans 12
Ooh im so scurred 0_o!!
ManInTheMachine 20
Honestly, I tried to be nice about it, but just stop commenting. For now, anyway. I'm trying to refrain from using any language, so please don't push me.
ChickInGreenVans 12
Yawn!! Dont tell me what to do.. Pig!!
ManInTheMachine 20
So I'm a pig for trying to help you avoid making your already piss-poor situation worse? Interesting logic there. And this isn't ******* elementary school. "Dont tell me what to do"? Really? I was giving you advice. But you're obviously too stupid and mouthy to take it, so I'll just leave your sorry ass to get buried. Happy FMLing!
vicky_reoow 1
ah ... one day you will learn, young grasshopper
lovepink333 0
If it was me, I would have knocked you up side the head.