Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML
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Top comments
Sinamoi 18
Something tells me that you aren't the chosen one...
Pentium_4 27
don't mind me as i use my special technique to click the YDI button
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Comments (133)
wlddog 14
The force is not strong with this one.
challan 19
I suggest a new strategy, Op. Let the wookie win.
tj4234 36
'Accidents arise from negligence.' The seventh of the 20 guiding precepts of Karate. Never ever show off in public, especially when using someone who doesn't know exactly what you are doing. Judging by the fact that you felt the need to show off, I'm gauging that you are new to karate to I will tell you that every single technique can be used to kill someone.
darwinism 30
So, in other words, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit?
tj4234 36
where is the bullshit in that?
TheDrifter 24
26, no it's more "Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." If op had kept his inept Karate imitation to himself, he wouldn't have gotten his ass kicked by a jogger.
whennotlooking 0
genius... Well played...
Caliborn_06 11
Your stupid.
HannahLouise96 13
*You're.
Sinamoi 18
Classic mistake... FML trolls and grammar nazis, take it away.
DocBastard 40
My stupid what? Caliborn - "your" is possessive. "You're" is the contraction of "you" and "are". Please learn the difference so no one else here will have to tell you "You're stupid".
BTR_lover 1
That's a little harsh.
ManInTheMachine 20
Strong stupidity deserves a strong retort.
Sinamoi 18
#65- You're right I was a little harsh. I apologize.
Calyx_fml 22
Yorr
BradTheBrony 19
#18 I'm
may651 14
Never pretend punch a girl armed with knee. :)
CrazyManNo9 29
How about never even pretend to punch a girl. Ever. Idiot (to OP).
Jumpingmal2 7
.... Aren't most girls armed with knees?
ManInTheMachine 20
49-Most people, for that matter.
may651 14
Lol that was the joke don't do it at all. :)
mrlopez 13
17 - Not unless if he's a Skyrim soldier ;)
Rapide100 6
I hate people like yourself thinking martial arts is so cool when they don't know shit!
mccaincracker 6
OP probably knows plenty, just not as much as the girl. If you don't know shit about OP then don't be such an asshole
TheDrifter 24
Well, he hasn't learned to block yet, so he can't know too much.
downtime 13
81, Anyone can be taken by surprise.
thiscrazything 1
Looks like you found a new teacher. I hope you remember the lessons she taught you. YDI
False_Stupidity 42
You deserved that
ChickInGreenVans 12
*No Comment.. Is still technically a comment right?!?! Pondering**
MidnaLink 35
Nope.
laden_swallow09 35
Sure it is… technically. I just don't see how this is relevant.
ManInTheMachine 20
She was obviously from a rival ninja clan ! She was just in disguise as a 'random girl walking past'. If you want some good advice, I would suggest taking revenge...at their secret headquarters! But ditch your master first, he obviously sucks. I'd suggest working under Noor, but you dont find her-she finds you!
perdix 31
Yes, but showing off your skills in not very ninja. None of us have seen Noor's ninja skills. Legend has it she wiped out a gang of 4 bank robbers while making an ATM transaction in the lobby. She noticed the trouble after she pressed the $40 button, and was done just as her money came out. THAT'S how ninjas use their skills.
ManInTheMachine 20
Absolutely. This is why Noor must find him, and study him. He must have certain skill sets before he can be chosen: -Focus -Determination -Advanced knowledge of all of the Assassin's Creed games-specifically Ezio's story. Only then can he work toward his goal. Revenge! ...and possibly getting laid.
chemchic 7
such as the dark brotherhood...