Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML
Today, my two year-old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML
Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
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Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Just chase him with it and pretend it's a shark that wants to eat him. Then grab him and tickle him mercilessly. I'm sure after that he'd wish he'd said it was a whale.
watermelon1 35
At least he didn't call you a whale, and then throw the toy at you.
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Comments (111)
Keystonematt 9
That's right! Say whale again.
tsent8 15
Whale
FlyingPie 17
Whale again
sexystyleist 8
This reminded me of Pulp Fiction...
FlyingPie 17
Whale you were playing with him, did you think that maybe he was just toying with you?
Onmyzephyr 5
Pfffft!
Accuraxy 10
I think you are just a-spout right. He is definitely a shark of a child though.That is all I have for now. Fin.
penisinyoanus 1
Whale you could've been a bit more pacific.. I would throw the 'shark' back in his face, just for the halibut
SammieDarling 6
85- you can never be pacific enough.. Unless your Atlantic of course ;)
gracehi 33
I hope you told his mother. If my kid did that to someone, I'd smack him and say, "If you're gonna hit somebody, you better be ready to get hit back!" You're never too young to learn the ways of the world.
Bibliovore 26
Or you could explain to the kid that it's not okay to hit people or throw things at them or otherwise hurt them, and that the game is over and the kid must go to his room and stay there for a while and think about why not to throw toys. Or, y'know, something similarly less violent. Otherwise, you're teaching the kid that violence to those who can't hurt you back is a fine thing. Which is a pretty terrible lesson.
gracehi 33
I never said I'd beat the kid. Just a little smack to teach him a lesson about how it's wrong to be violent towards people who you know are too chivalrous to retaliate. My parents used to spank me, even when I misbehaved in non violent ways, and you'll never meet a more passive and gentle person than me. But if you prefer alternative methods of disciplining your children than that's up to you and I respect that.
desireev 18
Gracehi- I totally understand what you're saying. My 3-year-old is the most respectful, mannered, disciplined, happiest child you've ever met. And I am raising him just the same as my parents raised me. He's only hit me twice in my face, but I immediately came back with a little smack and said "You don't like to be hit. So don't hit other people. It's not funny or fair to anybody. So do not hit people!". And now, thankfully, I don't have one of the Walmart monkey brats. He is the nicest child you'll ever meet. If you send a child to their room, you're just giving them time to play and think about how to not get in trouble the next time. Instead of being passive, just handle it. That's my motto, anyway.
gracehi 33
Yeah, sometimes it's just the only way to get the message across. My little brother went through a biting phase, until one day he bit me on the cheek, drawing blood. My mom bit his finger to show him how much it hurts to get bitten. She didn't draw blood or even leave a mark, but she clearly did make an impression, because after that he never bit anyone again.
GracesDelirium 9
Some people really are too passive with their kids, but I'm not certain that replicating such things is good. On an unrelated topic, Daryl is sexy. That is all.
TalkCrazy47 7
In my personal experiences, a combination is also an adequate method of parenting. When I was little, if I hit anyone I got a spanking. If I took something that wasn't mine my mom would take all toys and coloring supplies out of my room, then have me stay in my room. She would wait until I stopped throwing a tantrum and would then enter my room and talk to me. I grew up with those as consequences for my negative actions. I don't steal from other people, I am polite, calm and reasonable. When someone else is getting beaten on, I put myself in between them and force the fight to break up. I then have both parties sit and talk it out. I enjoy listening to other people's opinions and learning from them. I prefer non-violent options and always try to calm people down so they can communicate their feelings. I have learned through listening to others that spankings and the like are not bad ways of parenting, and talking is not a bad method either. Through the information I have gathered over the years, I have learned that it is the proper implementation that matters. If you choose spanking, you don't beat the kid until they are black and blue, but give them a hit that doesn't damage yet allows the kid to understand that pain isn't fun and that you shouldn't purposely do that to others. Talking works, but only if you do it properly. If your kid is behaving terribly, you don't just stand there and continuously say "Stop it". When using your voice to discipline you have to remember to sound angry, or else the kid will continue. Negative emotional responses are the punishment in the cases of verbal discipline, or else there is no definite consequences for the child's actions. That's my take on this.
windfuelsfire 10
Hahahaha my kind of "funny kid moment"
rhidiculous 4
How about whale shark? That's a nice compromise!
herpderpherpderp 13
whale sharks don't look like a whale or shark... but hey at least the names are mixed :D
LiterOfCola 16
How do whale sharks not look like whales or sharks?
BulldogHoops 14
44- Whale sharks are sharks...
qwillis98 20
... That look like, and are as big as, whales
1happymummy 14
It's ok OP, at the end of the day you can give the child back to its parents!
tsent8 15
That's when you respond with GET TO THE LIFE BOATS WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!! And fall on the ground and pretend to die.
perdix 31
You're lucky it's not a half-dead real shark!
holagranola 15
Awkward conversation? Not anymore! Land shark.
Pyro_Wolf 17
The Eiffel
Mindwarp 4
Well bloody hell, im sure people will be sharking for puns sooner or later.