Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML
Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML
Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML
Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML
Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML
Today, I found out that the myth about what happens when you dream you're going to the toilet is not entirely untrue. At least for me. FML
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Top comments
lolipop1234_fml 7
Well thank you 16 for replying instead of just pressing thumbs down.
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Was it a story about meg?
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Comments (146)
ripresno 10
Horrifying
btnhdude 0
I think ill look H.P. lovecraft's work.
Shrike 24
Kinda like your comment, Mr. 1. Horrifyingly shit, that is.
llamafish 25
As is your grammar, 14. Horrifying shit, or horrifyingly shitty. Pick one.
Psychotic_EGG 0
H.P. Lovecraft is awesome. Gave us Cthulhu and is considered by many in the literature arts to be better than Edgar Alan Poe.
ripresno 10
Oh I didn't mean H.P. Lovecraft I'd horrifying I meant that the pissing was
ninjacapo 2
Horrifying doesnt begin to describe lovecraft. Great works of science fiction
silvercamaro 22
37- it's not even the grammar fail that sucked about 14s comment, just how hard he tried to make fun of the first comment...he failed miserably
Shrike 24
14- It's shit, horrifyingly so. Are you saying "it's horrifying bad" is right and "it's horrifyingly bad" is wrong as well? Read #66's comment and apply it to own.
emILYissoocool 0
Chill your nutsack number 37 this AINT NO language arts class!
Angitia 8
#39 & #65, thank you! I can't agree more. #70, there's a reason they teach Language Arts in school.
llamafish 25
68 - Perhaps you should reread my comment. Nowhere in it did I say anything that would imply "it's horrifying bad" would be correct, nor did I say "it's horrifyingly bad" would be incorrect. Bad is an adjective, and may be modified by an adverb. Shit however, is a noun, and may NOT be modified by an adverb. Think before you type.
lolretard 0
Why the hell does so many first few comments get so many thumps down?! What is the problem? "Horrifying" too bad for a comment? Should it have some joke making fun of OP or something saying "at least..." like on every ******* single other FML? You people are ******* weird.
Shrike 24
#111- "Shit" is listed as an adjective as well in most reputable dictionaries, so you're wrong. Do you want to know how I know that? Because I looked it up. Maybe you should do the same before trying to correct people.
llamafish 25
I did. I happen to own a dictionary as well, and in it, shit is listed as a noun, and a verb. Not as an adjective. However, there is an adjective derivation listed, "shitty".
Awes0meperson 10
115 - Dislike trolls, they're everywhere. I think that they're teaming up with the grammar nazis.
saksxalmo 20
#130-- I don't think I've ever actually heard it used as an adjective... :/ Are you sure that's not nonstandard English? I looked it up too, and all the dictionaries (including Websters) I used didn't list it as an adjective (isn't "shitty" the adjectival form of "shit"?) Which dictionaries did you use?
imustbeinsane 2
Good lord just let it go already. You're not going to win, ever, because no matter how wrong you are you're not going to admit it, especially on the internet.
saksxalmo 20
But I just joined in, and now I'm seriously curious! So far, what I've found is that the use of "shit" as an adjective is nonstandard British slang, and that while it's always listed as a noun and a verb, it's not always listed as an adjective. I have yet to check the OED, but the only dictionary I found that listed it as an adjective was the Wiktionary...
iRatedxR 2
Oh my god , shut up . It's the Internet not school.
Shootermtd25 7
Peein in to pants is cool!
I_lost_the_game 25
Especially on a hot day!
mark5723 0
Can't tell if its a Billy Madison reference.... Or if your just retarded
LSS_fml 18
I think it's warm, actually.
iluvhobos 5
11-Can't tell if lazy, or YOU'RE just retarded as well..
julialinn 2
Why did 28 get thumbed down? I thought their comment was rather clever
Krysk_fml 0
67 - because of the people who go around thumbing down peoples comments. Or as i like to call them, FML communists.
Angitia 8
#72, judging people for their political ideologies for the win!
mark5723 0
28- based on the 30:0 thumbs up ratio, I'd say your the one who is retarded
ladyLALAA 29
Who would eat 30 bag lunches?
AlazaeMarlene 10
SMH and your from Syracuse? -___-
onlychildFTW 34
Remember OP, diapers will be your friend when going pee in your pants!
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
I'm hoping this is a Billy Madison reference, because I can assure you, "peein in yo pants" is not cool.
latenitekid 5
fancy
FmaFangirl 9
Slender Man.
AlphaWolfPsycho 0
"Forget what I see..."
ColCyclone 17
Season 3 started tonight! Yeah boyeeeee
lolipop1234_fml 7
Never actually read it, what happens?
Alexstraza_fml 5
He wrote a lot of short stories.
lolipop1234_fml 7
Well thank you 16 for replying instead of just pressing thumbs down.
Alexstraza_fml 5
Anytime, didn't get why so many were thumbing down w/o answering.
CadyAsInKatie 8
Basically, it is a lot of sci-fi horror short stories that are written as if factual events. :)
sillycart 9
People are so weird these days. Posting random stuff on the Internet. So if you try to look things up you can't tell the facts from the fiction.
Jiplo 18
That's why there's this thing people invented. They gave it a very unusual name: "library"
hahafylop 4
7- Yes, that gets annoying when people do that. 34- I laughed so loudly in the bathroom that I got weird looks when I came out.
Jiplo 18
46- sorry for causing you that awkward moment. ;)
MedKits 9
Something called cross referencing could fix this problem.
hahafylop 4
That's ok! It was worth it!
Jiplo 18
Glad to know! ;) Hope no one disowned you, though! ;D
hahafylop 4
Psh, Dad did that 15 years ago.
hilary56 0
Thats hot ;)
kocoman500 2
And you're not
xJackson 1
Hey it's a good excuse to get out of class when that paper is due!
MsConfusedd 27
Try not to pee while you're giving your report presentation.
The_Troller 14
Cthulhu is pleased.
Darkruler 5
Cthulu ftaghn
saksxalmo 20
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!