Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML
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Top comments
AwsumShyGuy 12
Yeah, you shouldn't have said that in the first place anyways. Even if it wasn't his mother. Remember that hobo story?
SpoonsAndPickles 5
I'm wondering why they didn't greet each other
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Comments (135)
kiwienne 21
Agreed. If OP says such things while on a date, I don't want to imagine what kinds of things she'd say if she got more comfortable with him. Sounds like she likes to judge people
tennisrapper1 14
This guy is so manly! He can protect you, love you, and be incredibly awesome all at the same time! Why are you complaining OP? xD
unknown_user5566 27
How in the world did you draw all of those conclusions from the FML?
IzabellaBlack 0
47- how didn't you draw those conclusions? Hmmmmmmm?!
IWillEatYouAlive 16
"He can protect you" From who, his mother?
LuminousKing 7
So... what happened next?
lovepandorasaver 11
Sounds like something I would say as a joke to a girl, just to see the reaction.
mrsquiggles6900 5
Um. Who else thought that devils toenails sounded so funny?? Lol
outoftown 27
Shallow of me, but I gave OP YLS just for that phrase.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Sounded to me like OP was trying too hard to turn a clever phrase.
alexlovescandy 3
It was probably a sign you shouldn't go out with him. I mean if that's what his mom looks and smells like, how could you be with him if he has a family like that?
starflyer59 17
you're a judgemental asshole and you should be put in your place. there's always a family member in everyone's family that has a quirk. you will remain alone for the rest of your life if that's what you choose to base your relationship on. you're incredibly shallow and I hope the mods freeze your profile. people like you make me sick.
stormchaser24 24
There are a lot of these of FML.
MaryPoppins88 14
Better to find out now than later chances are he has the same disgusting habits
CaliKid94 1
Did anyone else notice the grammar mistake? It's a big one... xP
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Even if it hadn't been his mother, that's an incredibly bitchy thing to say. YDI, definitely.