Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML
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Top comments
AwsumShyGuy 12
Yeah, you shouldn't have said that in the first place anyways. Even if it wasn't his mother. Remember that hobo story?
SpoonsAndPickles 5
I'm wondering why they didn't greet each other
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Comments (135)
AznSamoan52 10
Maybe she was disguising herself and stalked Op and her date to make sure everything went great?!?! ........... Just a weird thought of mine......... :(
Axipiter 24
63 - Thank you for mentioning that. The real "offense" here is feeling the need to share the judgement about someone. Everyone does it, it's more or less the most basic defense mechanism humans have. Someone looks dangerous? They must be dangerous. And so on...
kraz8 1
So your idea to bond by ridiculing people together didn't go as planned, huh?
dead_insects 18
Smelled like the Devil's toenails?! You sound like a ******* idiot...
xgetxbentx 13
Ydi for being judgmental. Sure it's gross, but some thoughts don't need to be shared.
MushroomFailcake 0
Why would you ever say that about ANYONE? Ydi for not thinking before you spoke.
pdp_fml 21
His mother is homeless? Why was she wandering around in the park? Find someone else to date as it seems as if your great guy can't or won't help his mom.
stoptrying 9
Another moron who thinks all mothers deserve die-for treatment from their children. Not all moms are great moms and no child has asked to be born. We don't owe them a damn thing.
jayfreeman80 0
Just reinforces the saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". You certainly UDI
MindFreakazoid 10
63 and 105- well sure if there's something significant about that person then yes I will judge them, but it will stay in my head, I don't try to offend people, because so many people like to offend me. But yes I will say if something is strange about that person I would think about it, you're right, but no more arguing on this :3 I agree with you two on it.
mowmowlife 21
YDI for trying to trying to impress by being extremely rude. Have yourself some awareness.