Today, I reactivated my Facebook account, having not used it for three months. My "friends" didn't realize this. According to their recent status updates, I'm disgustingly fat, have a hook nose, and I'm secretly hated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after deactivating my Facebook page 4 days ago for stalking reasons - as in me stalking my ex - I reactivated it for approximately 3 minutes to see what his status update was, then deactivated it again. I'm just THAT pathetic. FML
Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML
Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to post a throwback photo of myself in high school on Facebook. I didn't realize I was still logged into my work account. Now all my colleagues and clients have seen my awkward teenage years, complete with braces, pimples, and an unfortunate haircut. FML
Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML
Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the "fake me" got more birthday greetings than the "real me." FML
Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML
Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML
Today, my friend accidentally left her Facebook logged onto my computer after she left my house. I looked on her Facebook and found a very long message between her and my other friends talking about how much they hate me. FML
Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML
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Top comments
AKskier1 0
fyl. that sucks. what dicks
italiangurrl 8
well...I guess sometimes ignorance is bliss, although I'd rather know who I can and cannot trust. to hell with them. lol
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Comments (138)
tackattackjoey 0
haha fatty.
mamamiaaa_fml 12
deactivate your Facebook. or delete all of these people. believe it or not there are people who'll like you and accept you for who you are. but you won't find them sitting on your fat ass.
agrlwithbrains00 0
I agree with #12
I_R_Genius 3
Mamamiaaa, I want your shades :) they would look good on my albino motley blood python :). So can I have them? And OP you really need to get out more and stop being on facebook.
kyarush 10
FATTY
mamamiaaa_fml 12
thanks! guess what they light up tooo!! hmmmph you can borrow that if I can pose in pictures with it!
I_R_Genius 3
Oh you certainty can bebe :). My albino motley blood is a beaut, she is just so pretty you'd love her :)
afdude87 6
creepy. ^
ThoraxeTheImpale_fml 0
do I even want to KNOW why they were all modded?
EpicPear 0
haha!! You don't want to know...
AKskier1 0
fyl. that sucks. what dicks
Kinky_minx 0
I agree get new, true friends
ShadyFTW1 0
Not so secretly hated, you mean.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
id probably hate you to if you were fat and had a hooked nose.
48Connor 10
They hang around with you so they look better.
mamamiaaa_fml 12
heyyy what happened to the other comments.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
some say they went extinct, others say an asteroid, some even think it was aliens. nobody knows...
mamamiaaa_fml 12
okay. I actually lol'd. thanks for that explanation.
joseph42424233 0
Apparently it wasn't a secret.
davidpropert 32
Lose some weight
lostonelove 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
shouldn't have got back on to Facebook.
kboonie 0
sucks to be you
cusof 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Take it as a hint...
SneakyBaron 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
1-800-I-SUCK-****-FOR-A-DOLLAR
FFML_314 12
1-800-YOU-FAIL
unidentified_sta 5
It actually registers as a number that I can click on with Skype. :-(
krazeeguy 0
1-800-NOSE-JOB :)
italiangurrl 8
well...I guess sometimes ignorance is bliss, although I'd rather know who I can and cannot trust. to hell with them. lol
tiftif567 0
yeah but not in a nice way how do u take that as a compliment
DVecc 0
stop eating you're one of the many obese people who make us all look like fat lazy slobs to the Europeans. go lose some weight... if you want help I lost 30 pounds in like 8 months from turning vegetarian...
Mirorbo 27
You might want to talk to a doctor about all that nasty venom spewing from your mouth, darling.
FFML_314 12
Yes, not eating is definitely the solution. Fat people don't make anyone look bad. The only person that can make you look bad, is you. Now, go have a veggie burger.
Luv_Mari 0
^ you're fat.
FFML_314 12
Hell yes! How else am I supposed to keep warm in the winter time, moron?
I_R_Genius 3
Hey now, I think she's a cutie. And you are taking up other peoples commenting space as well. Good day :)
Luv_Mari 0
....
FFML_314 12
Yes, I can see how that would leave you speechless. Take your idiotic ass out of here. IMO, anyone that insults someone for their appearance is a pusillanimous, narcissistic, weak, sorry excuse for a human being. Look in a mirror and judge your own face and body, before you make such ignorant comments.
dinorawr1107 4
i see no way she is fat. She is quite pretty! Now run along dear and go play with the kids across the interwebs = Go away
DVecc 0
can't edit on the iPod app but I meant to say stop eating so much. freaking people eating every 20 minutes need to get some self control.
lovelyllama3 0
^^ lol you tell em dinorrawr!!
FFML_314 12
DVecc, either way your comment was ignorant.
Luv_Mari 0
are you guys blind?!??!! she's huge! oh wellz. :)
Mirorbo 27
Oh, we're not blind, darling. We can clearly see just how shallow you are!~
Luv_Mari 0
bask in your failure. you have just fed a troll.
FFML_314 12
Alright, what are you smoking and where can I get some? Bask in your empty head. I am here to feed you. 'Tis what I do.
dinorawr1107 4
lol FFML I would be delighted if I could hve some too. Gotta share man, Its nice. And lol lovelylama(?) sorry i am super bad at remembering things
Mirorbo 27
Fuhohohoho!~ It's so funny when people here first meet me!~ You'll learn, darling. You'll learn.
Luv_Mari 0
doesn't look like it. you're over here breathing all hard and getting uptight now go outside and do some jumping jacks or somethin'. ..fatty.
dinorawr1107 4
you must truly have some strange eye disease because she is far from huge. Shes nowhere near it. And why tell a person theyre fat? If its true they already know but nevermind that its not the case. now go be a bitch somewhere else please.
Mirorbo 27
Oh, how cute!~ Now you're resorting to 3rd grade insults!~
dinorawr1107 4
she needs no exercise. And what is wrong with fat people theyre just like you and me! same organs same. your both human and you should treat her like youd wanna be treated. I see no point in discriminating(?) people, its like saying it to yourself cause your both THE SAME. So dont be an ignorant fool and go away
FFML_314 12
Jumping jacks, followed by flap jacks. Soaked in syrup of course. Nom nom nom!
Bee_fml 2
Behave!
dinorawr1107 4
FFML I feel you aw man now I want some >.<
dinorawr1107 4
Well i hope you learn she is nt fat nor ugly an excuse any typos i have had recenty tis not easy typing vertically on an iphone! Pip pip cheerio I shall conversate with you another day -.-
starile 20
Wow, you are still the subject of their attention? Take that as a compliment, OP. People talk about you!
TryptamineDreame 0
You must be friends with children then. As long as I've been on facebook, I've never seen any of my friends degrade someone else that they knew, other than a celebrity..
AAShah 0
Agreed.
dramaa 0
I agree with 10.